Yeechien's

Above All.

2009-04-11T11:17:00.002+08:00

A few days ago, I decided what my life would be like for the next 8 years at least. I would go to university and then serve the nation - in the Air Force. I'd always wanted to do something different and here I am, training to be an officer.

But I always think to myself - what about my family and loved ones? They're really supportive of me and have been really strong at times when I'm not around. The last 3 weeks has been really interesting, yet tough. It made me reconsider why I am there, and not at home being there for people I love when I really want to.

Emotions run high, I get stubborn, and silly things happen.

I just think that, the people around me that I value, I value more and realise their significance in my life. I feel homesick sometimes, too.

But I guess I'll get used to it already like how I adapt previously - and I'd be fine training hard in there!

The journey so far.

2009-03-21T02:44:00.002+08:00

Hmm you could probably call me a soldier right now since I've gone through the fundamentals of being one, and in the process I've learnt more about myself and the people around me. I've grown so much in this 3 months, all thanks to my PC Warrant Ee, and not to forget my "death group" of outstanding fellow recruits around me that has shown me what it takes to be a leader.

On monday I embark on my path as an Officer Cadet. It'll be a long 9 months journey but I'm glad to know I have my family, friends and of course my very lovely girlfriend right behind me [: I've also learnt how to love and appreciate the things I have, and have a new outlook in life.

I'd like to shoutout to my family who have been really understanding man and giving in to me haha everytime I come home! And also to my adorable wifey that has been really strong though she misses me and hopes I could be around (I want it too! So not counted as soego!), and really patient with my blabberings andandand never failing to show concern to meeee by texting me and telling me to drink more water haha, just an example! Here's some love for all of you! Thank
you! I'll do you all proud! Wait till I get into my white uniform then we can go for a ball.

Yeechien!

Lunar New Year

2009-01-25T23:00:00.002+08:00

There comes a time where we set new goals, re-evaluate ourselves, do a little reflection. For me it had to come on the eve of this festive season. Truthfully, festive seasons are prolly something to remember where you come from, and meet up with long lost relatives.

Anyway I feel I've lots of work to do in character building myself. I probably should be less dominant, more understanding. I'm always weak at this - expecting things to come around. The true meaning of unconditional would be giving without any questions. I've tried and it works sometimes, but other times human nature eats into me.

Probably I'd just want a lil more appreciation and attention.

Happy Lunar New Year.

And again.

2009-01-23T23:55:00.005+08:00

It was around a week ago I guess. Yes, we had issues over a problem, a complicated one involving our differing viewpoints on a single aspect. Other than that everything's good and running well. It's probably the inner me that craves for a little more attention through little things. I really appreciate what's been done for me already, then again I might be too demanding. You've been really great and I know you will be as always.

It doesn't mean that you're not good enough, just that I feel both of us have more to work on for the long run. We've set the baseline and said that it's worth it, so I'll try. I know I've been saying this over and over again and only time will tell, and I really want it to and it will turn out positive. I really believe that faith is the solution, if not the foundation for any other approach. Another thing to note is for us to find common ground and come to a point of agreement. This is the period where we learn more about each other, our personalities, our values we hold dear.

I believe that this is just a trough and we're climbing up and up, and further. We always say to keep the faith, it works though, but we need to find a new faith, and plenty of it. It's possible. We're in another kind of system now where I can only get to see you on weekends and though I'm adjusting to it, I still do think about us, too. A smile never fails to form on my face whenever I take a look at pictures before bed. You do too, right?

It's probably been because I didn't play my part well. All the time I said was to follow your way, and this time I really, really probably should without any complains and arguments(and make it the way to go in the future). I should be more embracing instead of questioning. Though you know it makes me a little uneasy unnaturally for you to have so many male friends(or that I'm probably sensitive), I'll give my all to working on it. Also, I know its awkward for me to be around since most of your friends don't really know me and can click with me like sam sam does.

I've lots more to tell but you already know where I'm coming from. I just want to let you know that I'm trying and I've been thinking it for nights till today ever since it happened. You know the last year has been great, and let's make this year better, alright? <3

For you only,
Yeechien

Transition Period Three

2009-01-03T02:45:00.003+08:00

Academic break. Long one. However it renders me aimless for a little while till my results arrive. Army, oh army. When I book in, I've stuff to do. When I'm out and alone I feel rather lost sometimes so I just go to bed or walk around aimlessly. Thank God I've family and a Special Someone to save me from that [[:

2008 was great but 2009 will be a better year in which I will decide my course for the later part of my life. Forget New Year Resolutions and new clothes for chinese new year. I guess these stuff appears trivial to me since I'm more "big picture" when it comes to things that aren't so important but otherwise I'm okay. New clothes will become old, this year will pass. And so on. Make the change whenever.

Trials And Tribulations

2008-10-27T12:08:00.003+08:00

When you built a house,

some parts weren't laid on proper foundations.

It falls.

And then you rebuild it.

Until it stands strong.

Definition

2008-10-24T23:19:00.003+08:00

Definitions differ initially,
arguments occur,
compromise(s) are needed from all inputs,
communication,
agreement and understanding,
happiness.

If you keep the faith, nothing is too tough.
Really.

Question, question.

2008-10-19T19:18:00.004+08:00

Many times we find ourselves staring at this question.

"What does so-and-so thinks when he used such words?" , "What is the author trying to imply in paragraph 32352", "Blahblahblahblah. Discuss/Comment."

You know what? I don't know what the heck the author was thinking, so I doubt you know too, yes? I don't understand under what kind of circumstances we score a outright ZERO for such questions. There is no basis, I believe, to grade a perspective. Perspectives differ. If mine differs from yours, does it mean that I'm wrong? And then you tell me I go out of point? No I don't think so. Your failure to understand and see where I am coming from my essay means I fail to score points for my own? Grading seems like some form of judgment on our perception. Does that not remove a little part of being able to fight for what you believe in?

No, no I have nothing against teachers especially those teaching languages, but I've just been wondering why, and how. Isn't comprehension "un-quantifiable"? How does a someone tell if we have understood, when there is more than a single way to look at something? Question, question. I don't know. I don't know how the one that came up with an answer key arrived at his answers. But I believe to some extent the answers are NOT absolute. Because it is just another person's point of view.

Welcome to the world. Where black can be white, up can be down, one can be two, and what not.
Goodluck y'all.
Someone give me an answer.

Re-learn.

2008-09-30T18:09:00.000+08:00

Today, I re-learn something about myself. I try again. I hope everything is ok.

Mediocrity

2008-09-15T17:35:00.002+08:00

In this world you survive if you're mediocre. But according to the "Normal Distribution", many lie within the range of mediocrity. Why settle for that when we can move ourselves towards the minority and make the "Distribution" change? And then again, mediocrity is redefined. So we try, and try, and try. And, try.

stars shining
dark clouds appear
starts raining

stops already
white clouds appear
with rainbow

Hahaha. Random.

Disappointment and standing up.

2008-09-08T20:21:00.002+08:00

I never thought I would fail myself at something I use everyday; language. It was a real shocker out of everything. I didn't see this coming at all, probably cause I was complacent, I don't know. But anyway it came, and took me by surprise. I happily scored around 15-20 below my usual average, and I failed.

Though initially I was taken aback at first, I guess I'll have to learn a lesson of humility and find out where I fell. I'll find a way to how to climb out of the holes, and next time I take this way again, I'd know where the holes are. I won't take any chances for me to fall in again. But even if I do, I'll pick myself up, again.

A little bit about me.

2008-09-07T20:00:00.001+08:00

A Lesson on Opportunity.

2008-08-30T22:50:00.005+08:00

People always say, "Wait for your opportunity to come and take it." Why wait, when you can create your own opportunities?

Here's an analogy, something that happened to me today.

I was gonna go home in a cab at a shopping mall. But the queue was already to its maximum. I read the sign, "Taxi Stand. Queue Here." I looked at the queue again, it was damn long cause it was a weekend. I thought, okay, I'm going to do this. So I walked out of the taxi stand, to the main road, and conveniently I hailed a cab, which came promptly in less than a minute, compared to probably the half-an-hour I had to wait, instead. Note: Instead.

You can call me inconsiderate. But I guess that's how we work isn't it. I didn't intend to, anyway.

The taxis are opportunities. No one said you can't get out of the box. You decide if you want to, for a little advantage or two. Maybe even more.

Be Right Back

2008-08-17T21:26:00.001+08:00

As the title suggests.

18th August - 26th August.

HELLO WORLD!

2008-07-27T20:34:00.002+08:00

Hello world,

I am happy now, because I chose to be. Keep throwing what you have at me. I'll take it and step on top of you. I know at times you have been making things difficult for me, but I chose to take it positively and head out from there. I know how standard the system is, and I have no plans to go against it. Instead I shall just follow like no one have done before. Thank you for making me much much much stronger than I have ever been in my 18 years of life. Bring it on.

Yeechien

What to say when where how.

2008-07-20T00:14:00.002+08:00

We must learn when to speak; and when not to.
Sometimes, I don't know what to say, either.
But life's been really good these days.

Why oh why is life replaying itself. People seem to be the same everywhere. Well of course, they're people, huh.

This Long Weekend

2008-07-06T21:52:00.003+08:00

I don't really enjoy long weekends. I practically have nothing to do apart from revision. I'm not like any other person who has a life full of activities. So sometimes I find myself thinking and thinking what to do with my life, sitting down on my swivel chair.

I want to have a choice in my life. I don't want to be chosen; I want to choose. I want to give myself a chance, I must. What's going to happen tomorrow? The day after next? I really want to know! I want to sleep today away and go to tomorrow, right away. I want to learn how to tell what someone is thinking, how someone really feels.

Here's another point in time where I find myself in the transition period where I'm putting thought into my daily life. Nevertheless, there's still a few important people in my life, and you know who you are, [:

While I learn to materialise my thoughts,

Today, tomorrow and tomorrow.

2008-07-01T00:39:00.000+08:00

Today seems no different from tomorrow. And tomorrow seem much like the next day. Tired, tired tired. But I guess there shouldn't be any yesterdays. We should just find out what to live for today, tomorrow, and the future.

Memories are nice, but we get stuck sometimes. Move move move. Don't stop, at all. Turn around to look, but keep going.

Life may be difficult, but don't forget that difficult is all in the mind. Mind over matter! You can as long as you believe. Believing isn't just a one off thing, it's having the faith and having the courage to move on in the darkest hours, in the most rocky terrains. That's believing. Believe right, enjoy life.

Hellooooo School!

2008-06-25T20:02:00.001+08:00

I'm starting to like school more with each day!
Seems like I've no choice! MUST happen.

Getaway

2008-06-20T23:58:00.003+08:00

I haven't had such an enjoyable time ever since I don't know when! Yesterday was real good! Sights and sounds and of course, company!

Did the orange daisy survive? [:

It's really good to just get away and not think about daily stuff sometimes.

18th June 2008

2008-06-18T17:57:00.000+08:00

18th June 2008
4am

I was on channel 16, Discovery Travel & Living channel and I was watching this show called Europe's Richest People. It showed how ordinary people are successful individuals today. It struck me that I could be like them, and I am going to try. I want be successful, too. I am motivated.

Meltszx

2008-06-15T21:03:00.002+08:00

I'm so bored I think I'm going to integrate with my armchair to become a piece of furniture. I'm going for a walk down my corridor for the 4364236158934345th time.

Super restless.

Winning.

2008-06-11T18:33:00.003+08:00

Coach: "Finish this quarter off now."

Players: *huff, puff.. "Okay."

Coach: "First 5. 54 seconds on the clock. Make it."

Team captain: "1! 2! 3!"

All: "TEAM!"

History written.
Proud to wear the name on your heart. This is how it feels like to win. I miss it.

My Dream

2008-06-09T17:10:00.001+08:00

This is my dream. No not the grass but the background.
Think time.

Motivation

2008-06-05T13:18:00.003+08:00

有夢想誰都了不起, 有勇氣就會有奇蹟,
讓我們都加油去超越自己.

With dreams we become stronger, with courage follows miracles.
Let's all work hard continue to better ourselves.

I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sadness and despair
Oh, I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand

I hope to be someone like that for people around me. For myself too.

Learning

2008-06-01T18:12:00.004+08:00

I'm learning to be more confident and feel that I am in control of my life;
I'm learning to listen attentively;
I'm learning to sieve out things that are not so nice and move on;
I'm learning to make people around me happier everyday;
I'm learning to make this world a better place for myself;
I'm learning to use my time, every second of it;
I'm learning to talk at the right time;
I'm learning to believe in myself; and
I'm learning to not give myself any room to fail.

Fail in this context is general. It doesn't mean that I'll not come out of the small cracks and crevices I fell into. I don't want to give myself excuses and reasons for not doing well anymore.

Cheers to a meaningful life with the taste of success.

Today; now; right now.

2008-05-24T19:59:00.004+08:00

Today marks the start of a brand new day! To kick it off, I've changed my color scheme.

Animals' lives are controlled by instincts, or emotions. We humans have logic, and we should try to use it more, too. Though we're under the subtree of "animals". But many a times we find ourselves being taken over by emotions, too. We should all act in accordance to our thoughts, rather than emotions, I think. Or probably it might be a natural thing for us to do so.

Die, trends, die. It's really time to be who you are, who you actually are deep inside.
Who cares whoever said what about you?
Not me.

Holidays. They're here and I'm out to enjoy every single minute of it properly!

Hello world

2008-05-20T17:45:00.003+08:00

Hello world. This is my long lost older sister who has something wrong with her brain.

It was real good though it lasted for like only an hour or so. It's been awhile, huh.

Appreciation

2008-05-11T20:32:00.003+08:00

What does it mean to have someone stand up and defend you when you're not physically there?
Alot. It means alot to me. I really appreciate it. Thank you.

ugh I miss my friends. Where's everyone?

Value.

2008-05-04T21:27:00.002+08:00

"I want to be that person; that memory, that name someone would keep in their prayers. I want to live knowing that I will live on in someone’s heart."

Thats what I want. I don't want to be just some random person out there that passes each second. I want to be someone that everyone will remember. I want to do something, something nice for everyone. A simple smile to everything else, just something nice that will make them remember that there once was this person that smiled at them. I guess it means something for me to feel valued.

Whoever said life was fair?

It's always not the case. Sometimes we find ourselves hurt, in foxholes smelling stuff we shouldn't be. No one likes to feel undervalued, everyone loves to be appreciated. Tell someone now, that you appreciate them, as you read. I'm sure it'll assure them, it'll make their day better. A simple "I appreciate what you've done for me" seems nice, though.

I know it feels like shit after being there the whole day, rain, shine, whatever circumstance. And at the end when you think you're something, and realise that you're actually not. That feeling cannot be described. A plethora of feelings, disappointment, sadness. The memories you will pine for, the day your lives became one. Friendships, relationships, what not.

I always like to encourage myself.
I'm probably not the best out here in any department, but I will try my best. I may lose out on some aspects, but I will make it up.

Not again?

2008-05-03T20:28:00.004+08:00

Surprise surprise. I'm here for 2 years already.

And after 2 years, the same feelings and similar incidents take me by surprise again. It will be long, and I will edit it a little.

Paranoia - June 14th, 2006
paranoia: an extreme and unreasonable feeling that other people do not like you or are going to harm or criticize you.

I think I'm suffering from that. Someone send me a doc.

Well, - July 11th, 2006
Sigh. Seriously, this year has been a year where I have seen much, encountered much, felt much. My perspective of things have changed. Gone is the old me, with time to pass. Maybe I'm less sociable these days, I keep more to myself.

Sometimes its good not to talk to much, but sometimes it isn't.

Doing everything has it's pros and cons. Its a matter of whether you want to do it or not, not whether you can or cannot.

Well, my friend taught me something, which is to follow your decision and if you think it will do good, just do it. While in this process, even if you cause stirs amongst people, just continue.
What did I just say. Aiya the idea is there okay liao.

I'm not okay,
bye.

Time Flies - August 23rd, 2006
Time, really flies. It waits for no man, does it?

Someone get me out of this road,
if not I'll just have to get to the end unscathed.
Random bombings by the cannons ambushed in the bushes,
along the sides of the roads.
Traps in the ground,
unseen.

There's always something to cheer about,
when you get to the end of the road.
I dont know what to say much,
except that,
Life is showing me its true colours,
both the bright and the dark.

Can't Seem to Fall Asleep - August 20th, 2006
Can't seem to fall asleep. Bothered much by stuff happening. Juggling with so many things isn't easy. I have a feeling, I won't do as well as expected for this Prelims. I'll try my very best during the O levels.

Sometimes its great to have people on the same wavelength as you. [: You have the common topics to talk about, the almost the same interests you share. Im really getting increasingly irritated by some insolent fools, who have no respect for others, let alone themselves. Making a din for no reason, I find them a nuisance to society. I'm crude, I have total disregard for them. If you realise, the situation in the graduating cohort is so damn tensed, or rather the atmosphere. Everyone is asking each other if they'd study or not, if they found the paper easy or hard. That's when the lies come in. Claming that they've been studying, but getting stressed up when the exam comes around the corner. Contradicting, contradicting. Lies, and such. The intense competition. Healthy, yet unhealthy. The ends one might go to, to cause another's downfall. Welcome to the world again [:

Easy is kinda subjective. Nothing is difficult. If prepration is done, there should be not much of a problem completing a task, usually an exam in time. Thats what I experienced.

The usual bitchings, rantings, acting and posing going on, plus a few other drops of happiness and such. With different events unfolding each day, we question life and change. With each passing second things change and its not like the past anymore. People change, normally from bad to worst, but not to forget are the handful which turn good.

Things have changed, totally. You find that people around you, are no longer what they used to be. I think I have a gift. A gift of looking through others' minds, be it good or bad. Examples have proven me correct, right * ? [: Its interesting, yet disturbing to feel something like that. It sucks sometimes to see that one has an ulterior motive, and in the process hurting someone really close to my heart. Sighs. What life is all about, this.

Stronger - September 9th, 2006
think I'll walk out of these doors stronger,
with an added advantage above all.
Sometimes I'm weak, sometimes I'm strong,
I'll always try not to go wrong.

Hopefully.

A phase of life where I really find myself, as in me. The real me, who belongs to reality, instead of the dreamland where I used to reside in. It's time to come back down. The floor is cold, but I must get used to it. The conditions are harsh, but I must get used to it. I will try to make this place, a better place for me, a place where only happy things exist.

Hopefully.

Here's some article I wrote and scored an A for.

Change - October 25th, 2006
Here's my essay.

What is change? When one changes, one literally becomes different. Change is inevitable, and we should learn to adapt to it.

Eternity doest not exist in reality, does it? As days pass, and then years, things will be different. The flowers that bloomed in its heyday will finally wilt. The people around you will leave you one day. What you see today may be gone tomorrow, which is rather the way of life. All these phenomenon can be attributed to change. I believe that change and time co-exists. Without time, I doubt there would be change.

Change is really subjective. I would say that change is either positive or negative in one way or another. As you read, changes are going on out there, everyday. Interestingly the human reaction to change never fails to amuse me. Influence by fellow humans may be a factor for change. Majority of the human race are easily influenced. Thus they change. It is either that they change, or they influence. Some may budge and remain ignorant to change, only to realise that they have been left behind in this changing reality.

Changes can make us happy or sad, but the bottom line is that we have to accept it and move on. If not, it will become a psychological barrier, and we would find ourselves trapped in the abyss of darkness in no time. Man is selfish and stubborn in nature. Sometimes they refuse to comply with the changes made.

Is change necessary? I feel that change, regardless of its necessity will always take place in any form at any point in time. Many changes are not within our control, and we should learn to adhere instead of complaining and whining the most of the time. Being subjected to change daily gives us exposure, making us stronger and geared for the next change and take it in stride. Then we would be immersed in this reality that change is always there, and will stay. Most of us would soon be quite ignorant to it. It is like the sun rising from the east to the west, and it has always been around since the beginning of time.

Ironically, change appears to be the only constant in our fast-paced, ever changing lives.

And I miss these people,

The People Who Made The Difference - December 8th, 2006

I think thats about all. Thanks for reading, anyway.

Like my own.

2008-04-27T01:30:00.000+08:00

The basketball season is over, I didn't know it meant that much to me too. One year of training, one year of sweating it out. I'm sorry to disappoint. I really am. I'll pick myself up from here and do what I do best. I'll shoot, grab rebounds and defend like never before. I cannot guarantee anything, but I'll definitely give my all. Thank you all for the memories.

Something else that means much to me. Future. It may seem like a piece of paper right now. It's inevitable that in this kind of society we're in, qualifications DO matter. Seeking motivation to do well and give me a better future. It's important to me how I live further in time. I want to show that I actually can, and start to prove people wrong.

On another note,

Friendship, it means so so so much to me. Close friends, I feel what they feel. Anger, sadness, happiness, jubilation. Emotions, they connect people, somehow in an unexplainable way.

It's not exactly the first few times but I don't know why I feel like I'm the one. I'm concerned about what's going on. I just don't know why I feel like how exactly everyone does each time. I guess it's cause each of these 'everyone' mean something to me, I guess.

I don't think I'll find out the reason why people feel the same emotions toward a certain event, but I guess it's really fine and it's amazing how it happens to people around us, including myself.

It's just like, they're like my own. I'll try to be their strength and their armor.
Appreciate you guys. You'll know who you are if you feel this feeling in your tummy.
Cheers.

It's late,
Goodnight.

24 and more? Please

2008-04-20T23:50:00.002+08:00

The cliche line that's always used: "So little time so much to do!". I find myself going to use that too. So I really would appreciate a couple of more hours a day, just to finish whatever's on hand.

Council, basketball season, schoolwork. So much to do, so much to think about. If only I had more time each day to finish what's on hand. But these days I learnt a lesson that stood for long: Don't bring today's work to tomorrow.

I just hope everything ends soon so that I can put my mind straight to only one area, my academia. It's boring to talk about but reality check, it's the most important thing right now.

Endings, beginnings and whatever's on my mind.

2008-04-10T23:34:00.004+08:00

There comes a point of time in our lives where we face changes and it really seems like the hardest thing to do, just to let go and embark on a new journey. Everything is only but a chapter in our lives. Once we come to a close, we open another.

Like how we always say, change appears to be the only constant, ironically.

Seems like a year just went past me without me knowing much, actually. Beautiful things do take place in our lives, afterall. I've had my share and I'm really content. Time to look at the beautiful side of life instead of falling back in the shadows.

Priority, priority. Arranging tasks can be quite troublesome and most of the time it'll end up being a task in itself. Nothing else thats second and less is as important as the first. That's my way to go.

Perspectives. The black dot,white space;half-full,half-empty analogies. Perspectives differ. Until everyone reaches a certain incidence then we will have an agreement. That may take time, too. IF is a word not contained by boundaries. IF stretches your imaginations to the extreme ends. IF only.

IF only everyone lived in harmony.
Politics is a really dirty game.

The hospital.

2008-03-22T21:02:00.006+08:00

I was visiting my Grandpa in the hospital that day. It was at SGH, Block 5. He looked cheerful after the operation and he started to eat more, instead of the usual 2 mouthfuls of rice he had. It's great and he's discharged.

There was this familiar smell in the air. The smell of whatever medicine, chemicals in the hospital. As I was walking to Block 5, there was this familiar boy running down Block 6. I guess he was quite small, around 1.3m, and probably around 8 years old. He was alone. I saw him coming from the taxi stand alone and he was looking around Block 6. I helped him read the noticeboard, and he gestured to me that he was looking for the intensive care unit.

He seemed to have tears welled in his eyes and he was trying to catch his breath. The lift came and I decided to bring him up. We arrived at the ICU and I waited at the waiting area while he went in. I thought he was alone so I decided to hang around and wait for him. Through the glass door I saw him find his way, and finally he went through a door which led him to someone all tubed up. There was a small crowd around the bed. I saw a little hand appear from the side of the bed, holding the patient's hand tightly. It was that little boy's hand, he didn't want to let go.

I found out later that it was actually his grandmother. She was fine only 2 or 3 days ago and then she slipped into a coma. 2 days ago, the boy actually visited his grandmother with his report card which read, "English A, Math A, Chinese A. 288/300" He wanted his grandmother to be proud of him. Along with that report card was a styrofoam box with pau inside. Who knew the next morning at 4 a.m the hospital called and told them that their mother and grandma had slipped into a coma due to a low blood count. I too found out that the little boy traveled all the way alone in the taxi from the East to the hospital. His grandmother had very little time left and she was the one who took care of him all the 8 years of his life till then. He had to see her for one last time.

"Grandma! Wake up... I have school tomorrow... You have to bring me... I don't wanna go alone..." The boy sobbed as he clutched onto his grandma's hands, which had a tube connecting to the intravenous drip. The adults ushered the boy out and soon, all of them left.

His grandma passed away a day later. I was that little boy.

At 8, I traveled all the way from Tampines to SGH alone in a taxi to visit my grandma. It was a super duper learning experience for me. The ride seemed long. I didn't know she was going so soon. But I really loved her. It's been 10 years. 1998 was a life changing year for that young soul like me. I grew up.

Ah ma. I love you.
I'm sorry for being such a brat at times making you buy me the toys.
I know you care a lot for me.
I'll remember you, always.
I'll be fine.

Your Grandson, Yeechien.

Further Reading:
Childhood Revisited 1
Childhood Revisited 2

The neighbour I never(haven't) met

2008-03-19T00:20:00.003+08:00

Okay as requested, neighbour Jasmine. I never, ever seen you but I don't know how and why you've bumped into me so many many times. Next time say hi!

Exam period right now I'll bet on myself doing better than last year! Everything's been not too bad this year and I hope things will get better!

Sometimes its really great to take a look at how it all began and now you can smile whenever you think of it. Ah, the past. And not so past, past. Great people around me, what more can I ask for?

Nine notes for nine on the ninth.

Fragments of Memories.

2008-03-10T21:30:00.002+08:00

518, Suntec City to Pasir Ris. Those were the days. Sometimes I think about it, I miss it. The long chats and the nice but simple meals.

Ah, memories will be memories. It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, right? Just the simple love between friends and some memories shared.

But I really miss those days, when I was younger, probably 16 years old.

Is silence golden?

2008-03-01T12:38:00.002+08:00

I don't know but, always after basketball matches I always feel so drained, so void of emotions. Maybe one or two emotions but they always tend to be negative.

Thoughts fill up my mind quickly, and I just keep thinking. In the end, I get jammed up there. I'm not a group person, but I have a few great friends and that would do just fine.

When this happens, I don't really like to talk. When everything cools down, I start to feel guilty for doing it. I don't know why but I guess this is not the first time already, but sigh. Thats me. I guess.

The Cheesecake Day, Happy Birthday.

2008-02-28T22:21:00.001+08:00

Happy birthday to me.

Dark furniture, dim lights, a little jazz, cheesecake and coffee. And great company. Happy Birthday to me.

Action is always, always better than justification.

The Transparent Person

2008-02-23T16:55:00.002+08:00

As the title reads.

He can see you, but you can't. You don't know that he's there. But most of the time, he's there, watching over you. Making sure that you're fine, even if you haven't met for a long long time. Sometimes you walk through him. Sometimes he thinks you're looking at him, but actually its the person behind him. You don't actually see him.

Start treating your friends like how you should. Don't take them for granted. Until you lose them, you never know that they're there.

Actually, the transparent person isn't actually transparent. All you have to do is just, look a little closer.

Valentines.

2008-02-14T21:16:00.003+08:00

Happy Valentines.

What's it like to give and not receive? I don't know, I guess all of us are programmed in a way to expect something to come around once we let it out. The truth is that most of the time we go home empty handed, even though we came with an alibaba bag. The ones they use in the army.

Popularity index day. The higher your score, the more gifts you get. The lower your score, the less gifts you get. Sometimes you get nothing. It's sad but its true.

I don't like to beat around the bush. Being frank is just, me. I don't have to lie to you and tell you I'm okay with you when I actually hate you. Just an example to start with.

Valentines wasn't that bad either. Gifts, chocolates, cupcakes and flowers. Question. Is everyone just giving cause it's valentines? I don't know. I know a little hole in my pocket may make dozens of people happy for a day. It's worth it. Definitely priceless to be encouraged by the smiles, the appreciation, and what not. I hope everyone is doing it purely out of love, not attention. Thank you to everyone who kept me in their memories on this day.

What's it like to go home empty handed, seeing that all your friends are bringing huge crates home?

Happy Valentines.

The Nice Guy.

2008-02-12T22:44:00.000+08:00

Whatever I'm going to say in this box is gonna be off my mind. It'll come as quick as it goes. Random but it's how I feel, I guess. It's the way I express myself best. It probably may not make sense to you, but whatever.

A general viewpoint:

The nice guy. No one sees him. While the leader gets all the applause, all the recognition, this person was the one who was behind the dark curtains handling all the shit jobs. This person makes thing happen. Sometimes they call him/her "Shitjob Warrior". The leader puts everything nicely on the paper. This person makes sure the implementation is flawless. Every single chair in place, every single item in place.

But it's okay. It don't matter. It never did anyway.

How many times have you found yourselves in such a setting? Think. Complaints don't help, putting things on paper may make you look good, but what people want to see is not black and white, but the real thing.

If we pay a little more attention, take a little more time for the people around us. I guess everything will be alright. Then again, if. In this case, everyone would seem the same, and 1+1=2 will always stand true. 2+0=2 makes sense too. There'd be no difference at all.

I don't know. Playing the nice person isn't really a game. It probably is. Putting your emotions, your relationships at stake. It's not fun at all. It's nice to be a shoulder for someone to fall on when they need it. But where's yours when you need it? People like these are usually alone. They love to be alone. I guess its just them. It's only natural that they try to help themselves out just like how they have for so many people in the past.

Occasionally you get 1 or 2 pieces of bird poo on your head, thats all. And maybe more.

Feel-ing. And a little bit of life.

2008-01-20T21:55:00.000+08:00

Why do we feel? After subsequent actions by us humans, there's bound to be a phenomenon called, feeling. Happy, sad, overjoyed, depressed, resentful, regret, jubilation, guilt. All these.

I guess there's some time in your life when you feel nothing. Sometimes you feel a certain thing, but sometimes you feel an array of feelings. I'm experiencing the latter. It's hard to explain, or maybe I'm having a hard time explaining myself. I guess I like the way my life is going now, carefree, joyful and what not.

Till I find out how to express myself. I'm stuck. Shit.

Season 2008.

2008-01-17T21:21:00.000+08:00

I don't have much to say now.

2008 was not too bad so far, its time for less procrastinating and more of getting stuff done.

What a great way to start the year by getting a wake-up call. Great experience. Losing in a match isn't the end. It may be the start of something. Faster, higher, stronger.

Screw New Year Resolutions

2007-12-29T21:40:00.000+08:00

Every New Year comes and goes.

"The year passed by so quickly!?"

Your standard New Year comment. No need for resolutions, I do what I like, anytime, anywhere. WE can change whenever we want to. So, screw it.

Friendship and the Christmas

2007-12-27T01:03:00.000+08:00

Ah, how wonderful friendship is.

How sweet it tastes, how strong it is to hold you together.
How comfy it is for you to fall back on.
How convenient when you need it.

Late chillout sessions, even later heart-to-heart talks.
Boozing a little, playing lame games for the sake of fun, laughter, peace and joy.
Chilling at dark places, dim lights. What a great place just to lay back, play some jazz on the stereo, and do major catch up.

2007 was wonderful, but I guess each year has its highlights.
2008 here I come.

Primary School Days.

2007-12-24T14:58:00.000+08:00

So yesterday was the best gathering of the year. 6-1, 2002. Great job weiqing. So dinner was at sakura but it was still okay.

Most of us spent the time laughing at the past and the stupid stuff we did back in the day. Great to see Mrs Tan and Mr Ee there, though, and the rest. At around 10plus we headed out for a class picture but Yumei's not uploading it yet so i'll do it when she does too, haha. Got a little booze from cheers courtesy of Hsingshen.

And then the rest left. There was Me, Jackson, Lucas, Welsonn, Chuping, Wayne, Yumei, Sophia and Qinyu. Headed over to Yumei's and all that I can tell you that its a really great hangout spot. Cards, Mahjong. Her brother joined us in a little and he was hilarious. Teh games were real fun and extreme!

Soph and Qinyu left early, what a bummer. So the rest of us left at around 3plus for simpang, and then we left there bloated.

Again, I hardly blog about my daily in and outs but yesterday could be summed up in a word.

fabulous.

The chats, the hanging out were good enough.

Juicy Gossip

2007-12-09T17:47:00.000+08:00

Okay, there's this notion that girls like to gossip. I disagree. Some guys can do, too. Even better at times.

Gossip comes from a source. The source seems identical to a big fat juicy orange. The more you squeeze, the more you get. But whats the point? You enjoy it once, and thats it. Why be bothered by such mundane issues when we have better things to do in life? Let me retract my statement. Maybe some people do not have better things then do than gossip, huh.

Don't we have our own problems to care about? Why bother indulging on the latest shit on someone else? Let's try to put ourselves in order before telling someone else, or standing up for them. I'm not saying its a sin but, what I'm trying to say is, you don't do certain stuff where everyone can see you. Thats plain stupid.

Take a look at this analogy. Hardly anyone steals under a surveillance camera, right? No one goes to the toilet keeping their cubicle door open. In short, don't wash your dirty linen in public.

What enjoyment do we get from all these?

"Oh look! So and so just got a new pink car!"

"Man, her guy's ugly like my dog"

I really have no idea. Events will come to pass. We don't achieve a higher standard of living just by bitching everyday. But I guess some of us have to, just to let off a little steam. Instead we should think of what we want to do, our ideas, something that will last long. Without action, ideas are just fantasies that remain. It's stupid and obvious. To achieve our dreams, we must take the first step. It is about now, not what has gone.

You don't tell people what to do; instead we should work together and see what we can do.

What keeps us going?

2007-12-05T22:30:00.000+08:00

I walked into the maternity ward which was decked in vanilla white paint. Behind the glass were rows of babies identified by serial numbers. They were either wrapped in baby blue, pink towels. All at rest, sleeping peacefully. And all of them looked the same.

Then I was at the cemetery. Rows of graves were popping out like mushrooms over a plain. It was so dead quiet, literally. Some were well maintained, others had weed grown over it and the others were sinking into the ground. All of them looked the same, except for one. It read:

"Here lays a man who lived his life for others. Although he was not the brightest among the rest, he always gave his all to people around him. He was a successful businessman, doting father, loving husband, filial son and a loyal friend." The rest of the words seemed to be eroded by the rain.

Maybe that whats I want mine to read. What's yours?

What do we live for, what keeps us going? For money, and the things it can do. When we were younger, we lived for the fun everyday with our childhood friends. A little older, we go day by day just for that piece of paper that puts us into secondary education. And then, we work for another piece. And another. And another. When it comes to the last piece, you're compared. Compared with all others who have that piece. And then you slog. You work for your promotion, the monthly salary. You build a family. Maybe there's something to live for, after all. Your perfect spouse, so you thought. You have kids. They turn from adorable toddlers to pains in the neck. But you still love them anyway. You keep working, you work to keep the food on the table, for your kid's future. You have to make sure your retired mom and dad don't go hungry too. Oblivious to you, your kids are following the same route you've taken. You retire, they take your responsibility. Soon enough, you're gone.

What does this mean? What do we actually live for? Today? I don't know. I'm just taking a day at a time, and see what good tomorrow has in store for me. I'll keep finding whats to live for, whats going to be in store, whats good for me, tomorrow.

A basketball match or two

2007-11-22T23:35:00.000+08:00

Okay, so the other day after prom wasn't that bad after all.

So a huge bunch of us were hanging out. It was great sitting down just to chat. Puyuan, Jacky, Nicole, Freda, Lyeyee, Tammy, Leonard, Shaun, Javiour and many more people. In short, it was one of the better days this year. I was totally wasted man. Went home at 6. I didn't see sunlight cause I woke up in the evening.

Okay so today there was this match between my school and MJC. It was my first match in almost half a year, I guess I did okay though. We lost 63-68, and I finished with a neck sprain. Dangit. Though I was happy I scored 19 points on the court, I wasn't really too pleased with today's form. It's high time to move my ass and work out a little to be even better.

Aite. Nights.

A little wrap up of this year. Or rather, friendships.

2007-11-16T23:43:00.000+08:00

Today was quite a blast but it ended not that well.

I'll let the pictures speak:

There's one missing, Jiamin. They're my mentees. I mentor them for math and science. Haha don't look down on these 2 little kids. Ultra adorable kids. Today, we were at Makansutra Gluttons Bay. So, 1 of me and 2 of them little monsters wolfed down:

Oyster Sauce Kailan
Crabmeat Fried Rice
Black Pepper Beef
Sweet & Sour Pork
Hotplate Tofu
Some nonsense soup.

Since I'm here, not to forget my other people.

Faheem and Jacky.

Always there. Kopi, food, laughing gases, fags, drinks, what not. Simple enough. This people you keep for life. Respect. Oh, I forgot to mention, 3 of us are fishermen. They're more pro though. I catch smaller fishes:

using wooden rods.

Jacky saw that it was good and followed suit

The fish is small though. It was sometime ago. You should try on Sunday, Faheem.

And then there's Xinmin.

Our in-house loner. I can't quite get it though. Haha. It's still good to talk to you every now and then. Thats all.

Next up, Carolyn and Joan.

Brother and Carolyn.

These 2 are a must-have for ultra hilarious scenarios. Definitely bring in a cheerful mood. Joan's more of a thinker. The other is a ultra funny but sensible girl. Funny kids. My part-time mentees.

The 2004 Team.

Nice people. The ball guys. Crammed shower cubicles, talking cock, major lunch session and then arcade. Unforgettable.

And the rest I don't have many pictures.

The soccer people I always kick about with, boleh lah!

Anyone I missed? Tell me.

Today's post is more of like a looking back thing. Anyway I have to go.

Hey man, when it gets tough we might not know how tough it is.
But for sure one thing, we'll be here man brother.
Talk to me if you need anything.

I learnt a lesson today. Only in adversity you see true friendship. Today was a major learning day.

What's this?

2007-11-03T09:49:00.000+08:00

It's simply unexplainable having to experience an array of positive feelings all at once. Relief, joy, euphoria, and what not.

Holidays.
A time, often one or two weeks, when someone does not go to work or school but is free to do what they want, such as travel or relax...

How hard is it for us to just relax, just take a backseat and watch life go by? It's hard for me I guess. It's the first time I'm having difficulty getting adjusted to the holidays. It's just not me to do nothing. When we find ourselves to be the slaves of this rushing society, it's hard to break out. It's not impossible, but it's hard.

What's everyone working so hard for? For a comfortable life, for their kids' futures, for their own future? I don't know. For now, for later. For a piece of paper that will determine where you stand, in most cases. It's hard. Once we let up, we'll hit ground zero.

Sit back, relax, and do something you've wanted to do for a long long time. Break free of the bondage and just chill. The bottom line, relax. Though we're riding the waves of time, I'm sure there'll be breaks in between. We rest for a further journey ahead.

I think thats about all for now. It's good to know that promises won't be broken by other factors sometimes.

Welcome back, my friend.
It's been awhile.
Wasn't too long either.
It's gonna be the same, right?
Looking forward to it, anyway.

Saved by a seatbelt. In a car accident.

2007-10-27T22:16:00.000+08:00

On the way to Dim Sum at Yan Palace, somewhere around Chinatown, I was on the CTE. The cab driver was pay much attention to the road. Everything was as normal. As we were approaching the tunnel, the yellow cab suddenly braked. The cab I was in braked too, but it skidded and it bumped into the one in front.

My head smashed into the windscreen, causing it to shatter. I bled to death...

If I had not put my seatbelt on.

But I did. I escaped unscathed. I only came close to kissing the dashboard, thats all.

The quiet and reserved driver was shook. He got down to check on the damage and the 2 parties exchanged their contact details. Meanwhile I was thinking what could have happened. Anyway it didn't.

Lunch was as per normal, very nice. It's a good recommendation if you have cash to spare.

On the way home, another cab. This time this guy is hilarious man. We chatted about Singapore and politics. Better not to talk about it here, it's gonna be long.

Weekends for me are darn boring. I have nothing much to do, actually. It was scorching hot this afternoon. I sat down with a Heineken and some Royce. It wasn't a bad combination after all, plus some Brazilian jazz.

I have no idea why I'm blogging about mundane stuff, but I really could have got into bigger shit if I didn't put my seatbelt on today. So please do, people.

A post without a title.

2007-10-24T20:35:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the hiatus, anyway. I didn't know I had fans. But whatever.

As usual, I'm having a real hard time trying to express myself. This sucks.

I'll be back.

Its over.

2007-10-11T14:26:00.000+08:00

Finally able to heave a sigh of relief. What's next? Having the sun scorching your ass on a lazy weekday afternoon, thats what's next. Can try frying an egg on it.

Been really tired these few days. Heading out till late. The night study program back at my alma mater isn't that bad but I see people like me working their asses off late into the night just for that grades. Is it worth it? I guess so. Today they first look at your papers, then your capability.

Money don't fall from the sky just like that. We gotta work hard and bite the dust sometimes. Education, is really money. It's an important value-adder. Without education, what are we? Unable to read, recognize, communicate? I don't know about that. But I know what we have now we should really cherish and give our best shot.

The main focus of schooling is studying, obviously. However, there are other things to do. Other activities, looking at people go by, chasing girls and guys, being in the 'cool' crowd, bashing someone up and what not. That tends to make us shift our focus and we start to whine like little brats.

Being in the 'cool' crowd, doing what they do, don't make you any better. We don't have to change ourselves just to get along with someone. I believe, we change because there is a need, and that need will do us good. Of course, your thoughts cannot be too superficial. Why try so hard? Just sit back, enjoy life, and do what each and everyone of us do best.

Ugly Singaporean, how many times have you heard it? Being a Singaporean myself, sometimes I really think if I have done something I seen. I woke up late today. I tried to hail a cab. I saw that there was no one so it was still all right. Who knew, as I peered into my phone to check the time, a whole queue of people almost evenly spaced out seemed to appear from nowhere. That was fine. I saw a cab approaching. I flagged it, but it stopped for someone before me. It was some auntie who overtook me 'secretly'. Oh man. I gave up, and the bus came. What an encounter. It may sound simple, but it's familiar, isn't it.

We need to spare a thought for others through our actions and words. We don't yak and yak and yak all the time, we don't do stupid things, we don't do and say all these without consideration.

We should try putting ourselves into someone else's shoes.

But please, take off your own shoes first?

So bored lah.

2007-10-06T23:36:00.000+08:00

I appreciate blogs that makes full usage of the English Language; I have read some and they are awesome. The life it gives to text, the rich vocabulary, the adjectives... Lol. :P

Drifting with the currents. How many times I have found myself walking around aimlessly, sitting down and staring into space. Feels so, empty. Often at a loss where I don't really know what's next.

The exams are coming to a close soon. It was doable but I don't know how'd I fare. I guess what's done is done. We often spend too much time looking back into the past and regret our actions of yesterday. Hence the saying, think twice before doing something. Or how it was, whatever.

We try to do things that benefits us, but to no avail. We contstantly find ourselves in the want, in the want of material, attention, and whatnot. Maybe it's growing up and puberty, lol. I remember when I was going through puberty I was an ass.

I loved the limelight. Maybe it was the hormones. I'd do anything to get anyone's attention. Tucking out those uniforms, having pants so low that you'd see my cracker. Haha. I used to follow girls I liked everywhere, and tease them like mad. But it was a long time ago. Thinking about it makes me laugh. Kids today should have some control over themselves, at least try. Some of my friends in puberty weren't that bad so I guess my case is different.

Air is collecting in my stomach. I need to do something about it.

Still awake.

2007-10-04T01:39:00.000+08:00

It's gonna be short.

Cheap and powerful.

Kopi-O kau kau kah tai.

Black coffee, thick thick, add sugar.

Most reliable for late nights up. Keeps you going.

Thanks for the recommendation Jacky.

Being Frank & Late Nights.

2007-10-02T01:42:00.000+08:00

How nice it is to be able to pour out your whole self into someone else. Being able to be true to each and every word that comes from your mind into the text box. It was great.

I'm a person constantly asking questions almost about everything that I can get my hands on. Call me a kaypoh if you like, but thats how I am. I don't try to play the game of pretend. I google, look up things that I don't know. I ask, too.

The conversation was real great. I missed talking to you like that. I'm really apologetic if my concerns played a part in causing the uneasiness. Maybe you were right, maybe the fact that deep down inside me, there's a kind of reluctance to accept things as they are. I don't know about that. But I know that the chats over mealtime were special. I could find my ability to connect and convey and thats not to anyone, only a couple. That comfort I cherish. That was in the past.

It isn't the same no more. Or it is?

It seems like there's an understanding and a fine line in between. Even though I can hardly get hold of the physical being, the psychological twin is good enough. I'm glad to know that everything's the way we left it. I just hope that, maybe we could do something without any frills any more.

The reassurance and confirmation was what I needed. Thanks.

No I'm not in love, neither am I depressed. I'm just being true to myself.

Childhood Revisited, 2

2007-10-01T22:42:00.000+08:00

Note: You'll have to read the previous one first before reading this.

We were then thrown into bed and made to shut up and make no more noise. One time my sister couldn't stop crying, my Aunt Sylvia came and put her out of the house till she stopped. She was only 3-4 years old. That was the discipline you would expect in there. It was no-nonsense, but we didn't suffer at all. Just that when it came to disciplining, everyone in the family was in the business.

One day, I was doing the normal routine, go to school and what not. As usual, I hung out at the school gate, waiting for my grandma to come pick me up. Who knew, after every kid left, I was the only one there. Man. That feeling sucked. I thought she was not coming no more. Or so I thought.

"Damnit." I must have thought to myself at that time. "I'm going home alone." I didn't care much, since I knew how to get home myself since 4, from the kindergarten, that is. It was fairly simple. Getting through the HDB blocks, crossing a little road. By the time I got home, my granddad was there.

"Where's your grandma?" He asked. I saw my older cousin at home, but not the other 2.

"I don't know..." I replied, but I guess he didn't hear it.

I went on to wash up. As I was picking up my towel, I heard a familiar voice shouting for my name along the corridor, up the stairway. It came closer. Till it was at the door, I recognised it. It was grandma. Along with her were those 2, Ah Mei and Ah Siang. They looked at me with innocent eyes. She was infuriated as she went all over just to look for me. I was given a good cleaning of my ears with her scolding. I found out later that my grandma had to attend to something else important so she was late.

I was screwed by my grandma. That sucked.

When I grew a little older like when I was 5, I'd always go for a game of void-deck soccer with Ah B. He was 6. We always hung out with kids of other races, usually Malay kids. Chinese kids usually hung out at the playgrounds, but whatever. I had a good time. That's where I picked up my basic conversational Malay, up till today. We were getting athletic.

We represented our classes in the inter-kindergarten games. (If you recall, yours might have had one too.) We brought back plenty of trophies. Till today, it's still shelved in the glass cabinet in my grandma's.

Once during my birthday, my grandma bought me this decent set of clothing. I was kinda crazy at that time and I made a big fuss. I wanted the power ranger set. I made my grandma buy it for me, regardless of that shirt and shorts set she got for me. I was fucked up man. I didn't care how she felt at that time. Man, I really was an ass at that time. After everything she'd done for me, I treat her like that.

Till today I regret doing that to her. She's gone already. I was only 8 when she was gone.

Fast forward till I was in primary school. We'd come home with homework, and she'd make sure we finish it. It was, finish it or eat the rotan. The cane. The thing that kids feared and found ways to hide it from their parents, or grandparents. This tough nut discipline got me first in class for every test throughout from primary 1-2.

One day she came home complaining of headache. She went to the hospital for a health screening. Bad news. Her bone marrow couldn't produce more white blood cells. I don't know what was it called exactly, but at that age of 8, I knew that if no bone marrow was to be transplanted into her body, she'd be gone.

I went to visit. It was a friday. I bought her some pau. With my parents and my report card which read 288/300 for my mid-years. She was looking great. We talked a little, and I had to go home.

Who knew, things unfolded in just a short time. The next day, the hospital called early in the morning and said she fell into a coma. It was an unexpected piece of news. The whole family of 7 siblings went down to the hospital. It was 5-6am in the morning. We were waiting for news. The doctors told us to brace ourselves. They said that grandma had clots in her brain.

I cried. Tears flowed freely. When it was my turn, I went into the Intensive Care Unit to see how she was doing. I could no longer control myself. "AH MA, wake up! I have school next week! You gotta wake up to bring me to school! Sob... sob..." The nurse got hold of me and held me back. I settled down, and went home.

My parents stayed for that day. The next day while I was back at home with my sister and my paternal grandma, my parents called. I was told to give the line to my paternal grandma. They exchanged a few words, and then I was told that my maternal grandma had not much longer to live. She was in a critical condition.

At 8 years old, I flagged a cab, and told the driver to get to SGH asap. When I reached, everyone was there. I held my grandma's hand. I cried. I didn't know what to say. She was still hanging in there when I was there. I went home. She was gone by that time.

Now I'm all grown up, I still miss her sometimes, especially when I go to Bedok, take that bus service which goes to my grandma's. That field I used to run in with my cousins, Ah B, Ah Siang and my sister Ah Mei, was gone. It turned into newer HDB blocks. The kindergarten's still there, it was upgraded. My little green pillow is still there too...

I know why some people want to remain as kids. The carefree feeling, being ignorant and all... It was great.

But then, I had so much to tell my grandma. She left before I could say sorry and thank you. Sorry for being such a brat to make you buy something I wanted though you got me something else, sorry for being a pain when you had to look for me all over the place when I went home alone. Thank you for taking care of me ever since I was with a little boy till I was 8 cos my parents were busy at work, along with Natalie, Andreas, Oliver, Ah B, Ah Siang, me and Ah Mei. Thanks for being such a wonderful grandma who never failed us.

Its almost 10 years now. It was 1998.

I <3 you grandma, cousins, and my childhood. I'm growing up now, I'm doing fine.

Childhood Revisited, 1

2007-09-30T21:53:00.000+08:00

"AH CHIEN! Time to wake up already lah!" I heard my maternal grandma shout at a distance.

There I was, lying in the bed, rolling about. I turned around and saw that it was 7.30am. I didn't want to get out, till...

"You better come wash up right now or I'll come get you." That was the last thing I wanted. My mafia grandma to come personally to pick me out of bed. Oh, I was only 4 years old then. It was my first day of kindergarten. My no-nonsense grandma put me straight into the shower, got me dressed up. As she was getting ready, I took a sip from her mug of coffee and bit on the lotus paste pau she'd always steam for me and my cousins. There were 4 cousins living in there for 8 years. Sometimes 3 more would come by. That makes 7 sometimes. Okay, back to where I was...

We hit the road. With my little palm held tightly in her grasp, she'd walk me and my older cousin to kindergarten. I knew how to get to my school even before my first day. I have to say that I was an observant kid. I peer out of MRT windows all the time. In this case, I used to tag along with her when my older cousin, Ah B went to kindergarten in his first year. Getting to school was simple. My grandma seemed to be well known in the neighbourhood. She gave nods of acknowledgment to people who waved to her as her hands were full with 2 messed up kids.

I settled in easily while the other kids whined and whined for their parents. Looking out of the grilles, I saw nothing but plenty of eyes peering in. I found my grandma's. She saw that I was good, so she just left me alone.

* My grandma is kinda like a living superwoman. She wakes up early to make breakfast for a husband, 4 working adults, 4 little brats, and herself. She then washes up and wakes the little brats up. She brings the oldest 2, me and Ah B to kindergarten. She leaves the 2 younger ones, Ah Mei, my sister, and Ah Siang, my younger cousin at home. Who knew what the 2 of them always did. After she left us at school she'd go home, pick up the other 2, bring them along to the wet market to get the groceries for the day. Ah Mei and Ah Siang would always poke the eyes of the fishes, just for fun.

Back home, she'd put the ingredients in to the clay pot for the soup, which was cooked using charcoal. (No I don't live in that long ago time. My grandma really uses the charcoal pit in the 90s) She left it there. Left my sister, Ah Mei, and Ah Siang to play. They'd fall asleep after a little while.

Then it was time to pick me and Ah B up. Chances are if the younger 2 were awake, she'd bring them along to pick us up. She'd but them a little snack to keep them quiet along the way. By the way, it was a good 500-600m walk from my grandma's to the kindergarten.

Okay, here's where I left off just now.

So I was left alone, I was doing fine, at least better than the other kids. The first day ended in just a little while. I was picked up along with Ah B with my grandma and the other 2. We went home. She made us wash up and let us off to play. The maid helped her to prepare dinner everyday for almost 15 people. That was madness. We lined up with a plates, like inmates, as my grandma carefully put the portions of food into it. We all lay down in front of the TV(we didn't have alot of entertainment back then), and eat. Ah B and me didn't have much of a problem finishing everything, but being young, Ah Siang and Ah Mei took the longest time to finish. My sister made a record time of 3 hours, 5pm-8pm to finish her dinner. My grandma was pissed.

Then came the most exciting part. My granddad would come home, yell at us kids for playing with toys while eating. My grandma would come to our rescue with a barrage of hokkien profanities hurled at him.

"Ninabeh, %^%$^%$^%$^$^^*%&^)$%&*&(*&#%3" were the most often heard phrases in my childhood. Sometimes it was exchanged between my grandma and her children, my uncles and aunts. They couldn't stop fighting and my grandma always won. Now you know why I call her my mafia grandma. I can show you a news article next time.

Its getting a little long, I have some more coming up tomorrow.

This direction please, reverse gear disabled.

2007-09-27T22:13:00.000+08:00

Okay, here comes the time.

I'm not going to make a big fuss out of it and make myself look dumb, but I'm clear about what to do, what's the game plan. Positive thoughts, positive actions, positive results. Of course just believing isn't everything. A fair bit of hard work, a little bit of faith and what not.

Many believe in rewards. People ask why we don't do a good job. Try to shift the spotlight to the job, rather than what you'd get after that. If you wanna help, just help for the sake of helping, not the CIP hours. I could write letters stating you helped a thousand hours, but that's not the point, damnit. We could use a little sincerity here. Man those kids are staying back till late to study, maybe we should just head to their direction and give them a little hand without expecting anything in return. Maybe the satisfaction of solving an algebra problem with them could bring about this.

What if there were no incentives? Would you back out, or stay? People today are moved by incentives and material satisfaction in exchange for their efforts. That's not for me. I'm not a single bit apologetic about what I said cause thats how I feel and I mean it. So, stop asking me about incentives.

Look at our neighbour, Myanmar. Whatever happened to humanity? Though I'm not a buddhist, who the fuck beats up innocent monks protesting on the streets? The last people you'd expect would be the police. I don't know much about it, but the picture really made me think. Why are we taking our own blood. We're all humans.

It is not necessary that we have to like everyone. If you don't, never make war with them. Some people are just like that. Interfering in other's businesses seems to be their source for life. Let me rephrase it. Don't kaypoh, will die like that.

Wahlao. Please. The earth still rotates in the same direction, the tilt is the same, the sun's still there.

At times we can show concern and love. But too much may be a hindrance. Some merely want to indulge in others' problems for the sake of entertainment. What entertainment value can you make of your friend crapping in his pants cause he had diarrhoea? It may be funny at the moment I don't deny, but there is no need to make it the talk of the town, right?

Cheers to us cause we show sincere care and concern for others!

Give me a moment, please?

2007-09-24T23:26:00.000+08:00

Exams not very far away leh.

Just enough time to make it, barely. Have to maintain a positive outlook on life. Imma make it. How nice the sense of satisfaction when problems are solved, knowing you played a part in it. Teaching and helping has never been so fun.

For the past year, I've been putting away some extra time to head back to my alma mater to help out in some mentoring work. The kids are very funny and they never fail to make your day. Haha. If you guys are reading this, hello then. Material rewards are not everything. Roaring applauses in appreciation beats the dollar bills easily.

In our age and time, material seems to be like everything. LV, Gucci, whatnot lah. Take this example: A $5 wallet can hold 5 cards, and my notes and coins. A $500 branded wallet can do the same thing. Which would you prefer?

We would soon come to realise that going after material wants will not bring about content. It may bring you moments of happiness, but that will soon come to past. Being content, being satisfied with what you already have, but not wanting to have more, is the way to go for me.

Personally I'd rather spend on good food thats of reasonable price. Makes my stomach happy, makes me content. I'd wont ask for more unecessarily. Better to spend more on food than clothing and whatever and whatever. Food is something we need, so why not find more good food to fill your needs, instead of spending it on temporary desires, wants? My opinion by the way.

//
Don't know say don't know, don't say know. Make you look like idiot. Don't know nevermind, can ask and learn. Don't know don't ask become like fool, talk empty. Try harder!

Know nevermind, listen. Maybe can learn from someone, can share idea. Know know lor, not a big deal ma. Know already? Find out more. There's no end.

yeechien 24/9/07
//

Thoughts into words?

2007-09-10T23:13:00.000+08:00

Here's what suits me.

"A plethora of thoughts waiting to be put into words."

Sometimes its just too difficult to put our thinking into words people can actually understand. Probably during the conversion, bits are lost. As time passes, these get bottled up. Slowly but surely, the bottle gets full. One day, it erupts.

Why the hell is it so damn hard to do it? I roll my eyes thinking of each sentence to type in here.

Ah.

I don't need to be taught to sit and stand like a little puppy man. I'm on my own now. Breathing down my neck, setting unreasonable curfews. Damn.

Now is not really the time; but I really need a break sometime soon.

The last months has been rather cold and lonely, I guess its just part of my nature to be alone; to spend time with myself. I may hang out with a couple of great friends, but I don't know. I prefer to take in the night lights alone, or probably 1 or 2 mates.

Thats it for now. I had a hard time writing.

Holi-holiday.

2007-09-06T17:41:00.000+08:00

Holidays; work free days.

Devoid of any routine, I always find myself doing nothing. How can you do nothing? Or maybe staring into space and... nothing. Past, present, future. As the second hand advances on the clock when you read this, the past just left. Welcome, to the future. Sound familiar?

As I was just getting comfortable into my seat on bus service 18 today, plugging my earphones in my ear... I looked up. I saw a commotion between two middle aged aunties. Apparently they were both in the same seat. It seemed like the woman from the inner seat edged out the lady on the outer on, onto the aisle. She scrambled for balance; as soon as she did, she hit the lady sitting down with a rolled up brochure in her hand. She shouted, (in chinese) "I'm going to call the police, hey you all, she called me a fatass and edged me out of this seat!"

"I dare you to call the poly(police in lousy english)." the other lady replied.

The latter was arrogant. Further into the argument, she used this as an insult to the other party. "You can't even speak proper English, you dont scare me."

Like as if she could even speak that good in English.

All these happened between the period of 2 bus stops, and they got down to settle the 'case'. Everyone was just looking and doing nothing, myself included.

Welcome to Singapore; a place where drama can take place between 2 bus stops.

So long, everyone; as time moves into the next second. [[:

Zoom, zoom, the end.

2007-08-28T20:41:00.000+08:00

Just like anyone else who'd have asked, why do we only have 24 hours in a day. It seems goddamn short right now. Like how another dude would say, "So much to do, so little time."

School's as usual, its just another routine for this 2 years. At the end, I'll just pick up that piece of document and go. My life's kinda black and white, there's nothing interesting to speak about. 'Going out' seems like a word so distant. When was the last time I went out and had a good time. I don't remember when.

I'm just me. I'm authentic. I don't try too hard to be someone I'm not. T-shirt and shorts are for me. Swap it for shirt and trousers for more formal events. I'd prefer to stay in a little group of 4 or 5 rather than hanging out with a whole clique. I don't need no wax, no gel no whatever styling shit. I believe in simplicity. Saves me the hassle.

Tell me about appearance, and whatever. Simplicity is the way to go. Screw whatever appearances are latest.

What's latest? Latest is moving. Man, who's keeping up. Its just another headless chicken race.

Now, where did I put the lighter?

Gone.

2007-08-28T01:48:00.000+08:00

Thanks for the help when I needed it. Needless to say, the trust in me has gone. Considering I took so much time and still taking time to respond to it.

I've thought of the consequence. Maybe all I do is just think. I need to put more thoughts into action, instead of letting the thoughts collect.

I've only myself to blame for all this. I learnt lessons the HARD way.

After so much I thought you wouldn't even give a damn about me, after me delaying it for so long. I thought you'd be mad at me, you'd be so damn disappointed. I thought, how am I going to face it. Initially I know I didn't have the guts to do it. But I did it anyway.

It felt awkward trying to explain my situation, when I was the problem. I should have spared more thought for others.

I need assurance. After so much, I'm not sure if I am even confident of myself. I should be. I'll try.

I thought of a lot of things, I thought of whats gonna happen next, and I was wrong.

And so I thought, too much.

Apologies die out with time. There's no point saying it repeatedly, I got it.

Thank you for showing me what true friendship is, embracable, rational and more. After all the unjust I felt I did, you still spoke to me in a nice, rational way. Thanks for the trust in me that I will live by my principles. I certainly will.

I guess there's nothing much left to say regarding this.

Argh.

2007-08-22T23:23:00.000+08:00

Time shapes relationships. Life's not the same anymore.

Life is a dogfight. I eat you, you eat me. We all wanna make it to the top. We want the best only for ourselves, at any expense. What about others? Have we ever spared a thought for them? Hell no. They got nothing to do with us. We just gotta do our job, and we're gone like the wind.

I need to catch up with y'all man. Where are you people? How are you guys doing? Tell me, I'd really wanna know. I don't wanna speak in the past tense. I don't wanna say whatever we've done, the times we had chats, had outings. Whats this, "Post sixteen-year-old trauma" ? Those chicken wings, sugarcane drinks, stingrays, kangkong, seafood, carrot cake. Most importantly, the conversations exchanged over the tabletop.

Everyone has their own cliques of friends. I spell "loner". I don't have great cliques to boast about, but I got a few great acquaintances. I hope we will still carry on man. I know we will.

More and more work coming in.

You gotta put up with the rain if you wanna see the rainbow.
Great relationships endure long distances.

I need inspiration

2007-08-10T11:35:00.000+08:00

Everytime I set out to type something I end up deleting it. I need inspiration to write.

Hocus-pocus.

No effect.

Till I get inspiration then. It's hard to put thoughts into words, you know.

I was on a 10 week hiatus.

2007-08-01T20:28:00.000+08:00

10 weeks gone just like that. In between were a series of events. Time files eh.

I wonder how's everyone doing. Every morning I pass by my alma mater, I take a peek at what's going on, remembering that everyday for the past 4 years I was right inside. When I was there, I wanted to get outta there as soon as possible. Now I'm gone, I miss the times there. Now I know why they say how we take things for granted until we realise its gone. Just random thoughts though.

Just last week, I ended my job of co-operating with Mindef Scholarship Center to organise a National Defence-related Seminar. It has provided me with new insights on what the defence forces are doing. The scholarships seem appealing too.

I need to work hard.

Why are people telling me its difficult just because I am in some random neighbourhood school? Is it really impossible? I know the odds have been like that for time to come, but there's a possibility, right?

I need to work even harder.

Considering the grades I got for mid-years, I have to be more consistent, disciplined, focused to get what I want.

What a rough patch in my life.

Leadership Training Camp 2007, a first with my College. Was kinda a learning point.

I learnt that being sincere and real is the way to go. Out with the acts, the "I am always correct" way of working with others. Don't deny compliments, feedback, and anything else. Something someone else says might be something for you to improve on. We have to 'upgrade' ourselves using the feedbacks provided.

On my friendships. Where is everyone? Is everyone doing fine? I'm quite okay, but I kinda miss you all. (It's the first time I actually miss people.) Also the experiences we had together. Do you people still remember? We need to meet one day to catch up. It's been half a year... Haven't heard much from you all. I wanna hear more.

As I continue to get more control of myself, buh-bye.

Lessons Learnt so Far.

2007-06-17T18:21:00.000+08:00

Its coming to the middle of the year, time to look back and see what I have gained from the last 6 months.

1) Pay attention.
2) If you don't know, ASK.
3) Don't assume.
4) Step out of your shelter, see the world.
5) Everything changes.
6) Don't try to be something you're not.
7) Talk is cheap because demand exceeds supply.
8) "Just when you think you've grown up, you're actually even further" - Laura
8a) Which means, never be complacent and never stop improving.
9) Some words are left unsaid, but the understanding is in between.
10) You can't make the whole world love you, but at least, at least don't do no evil to them.
11) Don't stoop low, hold your head high, so people will look at you with respect and fear.
12) If you're not going to do it, don't complain when someone else does.
13) There is only black and white, yes or no, up or down. The middle exists, only because you created it.
14) When the tongue lashes, it leaves a scar that might take time to heal.
14a) Watch what you say.
15) Faith and trust are very important for sustaining relationships.
15a) More evidently in the case where both parties can't see each other physically.

Thats all for now, I have more but my stomach is rumbling.

Those were the times. What times?

2007-06-17T18:15:00.000+08:00

The Team 2004.

What's this?

2007-05-30T20:35:00.000+08:00

What is this?

What's this feeling? The other day I was walking happily after I bought some chocolates from Royce @ Suntec City. I was looking for a place to sit down and eat. Somehow, I wasn't really decisive. I kept walking around and around. I don't like crowded places. I don't like to squeeze. Finally when I found a place at pacific coffee, I settled down. Then a thought came to my mind. "What am I doing here, alone?"

Here, as in both that location, and right here. Here = right here in this world. "What's the purpose?" I thought. What am I living for, myself? Maybe not. Socialising seems to be a word that is kinda distant. I might have forgotten how to actually know others better. How come I see it in this way - cliques, cliques, groups, groups. Individuals are left out. Or did they choose not to join in?

How come I feel like one of the individuals? How come I feel so, alone? I don't know why. Hopefully this is just a passing phase of my growing years. And I thought I stopped growing. I just acknowledge comments with a faint smile, or a nod. The constant ramblings about life, everything. I don't feel alot of emotions, maybe just happy and sad. All I know is to follow my dreams, what I wanna do. But in the process, what will I lose?

I live by this principle - Others before self. There is nothing that is fully to your advantage. You pay a price. It may be good to consider others' well being before our own, but at the same time we must not forget who we are. Maybe, to put it simply, there should be a balance, in everything.

Where do we find that balance?
The search goes on.

"If you can imagine it, you can achieve it.
If you can dream it, you can become it. "

William Ward

Is there anything that is defined?

2007-05-15T21:20:00.000+08:00

Everything seems to be subjective. A line, when compared to a shorter one, is longer. When compared to a longer one, is shorter. So, is the line long or short?

What defines anything? What are things that are not subjective? Is the cup half full or half empty? Is beauty really in the eyes of the beholder? Is it difficult, or easy.

Think, think think.

Digress a little, don't really like the fact that people are discussing about other people, I guess if no one is perfect, who are we to judge. I believe in putting ourselves in others' shoes before saying anything. I heard stuff in school today, and it wasn't pleasant. Even if I wasn't the victim, we shouldn't engage in such activities.

To end it off,

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people - Mr Lee Hoong Yong(?)

Making Decisions.

2007-05-13T21:25:00.000+08:00

Went for Spiderman 3 last week with a couple of my friends. It was good as usual. An action hero movie containing philosophical ideas.

"Whatever comes our way, we have to make choices. and whatever choices we make makes who we are now." - Spiderman

It may sound weird that an action hero that spins webs says this. But I feel that its really true. Life is like a road. Choices are like junctions - we choose to turn right, or left, or keep going straight. Shit I don't know why but I always get temporary blanks in my mind momentarily. Now I don't know what to write about this.

As the 9th week of school draws in, I learnt quite a few things off some people. I learnt how to live life fully, how to achieve what I want, how to grab opportunities. I see this world as a world full of stereotypical people. There is a certain standard that people conform to, which makes them no different from one another. That is how I see whats around me now. I hope to find better answers, I think its more than that.

I don't engage in cliques, I don't enjoy bitching, I don't entertain politics. But whatever we say, all of these still exists. And maybe more sometimes..

On the road there are bumps, there are holes, there is a smooth road. There are waves in the sea, there is uncertainty in the sky. Whatever it is, whatever we do, we should not give up. We should press on, no matter how hard it is. We should pick ourselves up and start moving on. It's a period in life where we encounter ups this minute, and downs the next minute.

We bask in the light of victory, but we are oblivious to the time that flies cause there's nothing much to think about. On the other hand when we are down and out, down in a pit that seems far from land, we spend alot of time mulling and thinking about the past. It's okay. As soon as we're done, continue where we left off.

In this world, almost everything is rather subjective. That's what lead to differences.

Hiatus

2007-05-10T20:48:00.000+08:00

Will be back soon, with more constant updates. Hopefully.

Routines.

2007-04-21T20:40:00.000+08:00

The Singaporean Life - Following Routines

Each week, 9-5 at work, school, whatever there is to do. No stopping, stop and be left behind. Weekends to catch up with undone work left behind in the weekdays. And the next week is as follows...

And again..

When will this routine stop?

I constantly find myself staring into this lifeless LCD screen, doing nothing but thinking as my homework deadlines inches nearer and nearer. What am I doing? Why am I here? What's around me?

Everday it feels so void. Void, empty, nothing. Everyday its just school, computer and sleep. I sit, with my messenger window, waiting for someone/anyone to really 'talk' to me, not just the random hi, byes, have you eaten? I realise, everyone's just busy with their own things to bother. What am I busy with? I don't know, nothing?

What's going on? Hmm..

Yeah, maybe I must learn to open up, but it's not really me now to open up just like that. Maybe I've seen a little more, learnt a little more, heard a little more, felt a little more and tasted a little more. I'm not what I used to be, maybe.

Welcome to another stage, yeechien.

Choices.

2007-04-07T10:02:00.000+08:00

At any point in life, we are bound to meet obstacles and trials. With these meetings, we must make choices, and decisions. They may affect our life once and for all, they may not. Some decisions are huge, some are simple. Some are difficult to make, some are easy.

Which secondary school to go, which JC/Poly to go. What colour socks to wear, what shoes to wear. What to eat for breakfast today, what not to.

Above are only, quite simple examples. Of course we bump into more scenarios where it requires us to make harder decisions. In life we have to keep making decisions to keep moving on, we shouldn't get stuck making a choice.

I believe in this world there is black and white, and of course, the grey area. But its not really advisable to stay inside the grey area for too long. How long can we balance ourselves on a fence? We should learn to make critical decisions and shouldn't ponder too much and think, what if...

We should just go ahead and move on, and move on. Being rational and practical are important factors when making decisions. In a way based on reason rather than emotions and able to provide effective solutions to problems. Rational, and practical. I don't believe in making decisions based on emotions. Chances are that, people will dread the decision.

I guess thats for choices.

Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss events;
Small minds discuss people.

Whoever made this quote. It certainly is a mirror for each and everyone of us. What kind of mind do you have?

Transition Period.

2007-04-02T21:13:00.000+08:00

Morning Assembly, Lecture, Tutorial, Breaks, Training.

This 5 events seems like the integral part of my life. It's almost drilled into me after like 3 weeks already. No other option but to follow this routine for 2 years. I won't say I have no other choice, but I guess thats what I'm here for.

New environment, new people, new things, almost everything new. The usual attention-seekers, the cliques, the loners, and more. People from all walks of life coming together. You see familiar faces, you see new faces. New personalities to work with.

Everyday just passes like that, and tomorrow comes, and tomorrow, and tomorrow... I run my fingers thru my file to check out what I've not completed today, it's not that bad as I thought it would be.

I learnt something here. The environment dont change for you, you change for the environment, in other words, adapt.

Sometimes I wonder why some people make specific choices. I wonder, if they used their minds to think, or did they not. One thing everyone does is judge with their hearts, not minds. Many times we find ourselves using our hearts to make decisions, instead of using our minds. I admit I myself had been doing that sometime ago. But the heart don't think. Okay people might say sometimes feelings are stronger than rationale, so what. I guess its critical thinking and reasoning that allows us to make good decisions, not based on emotions at that instant.

I'm out of words, for now.

First day of school.

2007-03-19T21:34:00.000+08:00

Stepped into TPJC today for the first time, as a official student of TPJC. Not too bad though.

Getting used to a new life, lectures and tutorials. No more classroom kind of environment. Lectures can get boring at times, I agree. Getting used to a new place, new people, almost everything new. Transition period.

Time to set our priorities right, at least for me. Basically, school's quite okay.

Recently recieved an award in recognition for my contributions, you guys should know what it is. At the same time, I should not let all the air get into my head. Not to forget are my 4 lovelies, Xinmin, Laura, Tammie and Jacky. Like I said, these 4 people will be among the top of my forget-me-not list. It's like an "against all odds" project. It was done and to not too bad an extent, considering it was the first time. Great to hear that though, a legacy was left behind. Also I gotta thank the school for giving me a chance in the first place. I guess Mr Chua and Ms Ng believed that we'd make it. Still remember that Ms Ng told me it's not gonna be easy, but after it was done, everyone felt like doing it again if we could.

Rewind around 4 months. I remember when my face was shown at the end of the slideshow, everyone just cheered and clapped. It was definitely a moment for me, it was certain that, at least my efforts were recognised, along with my members. Looking back, nothing beats having the support of my peers, from the deepest of their hearts. Today, at least people know me as ' the prom guy'. Thats for the record. But all in all, I remind myself. We serve not for recognition, but for the better of everyone else around us. Ok the end.

Sounds like a Star Award thankyou speech. DANG!

Books, and more.

2007-03-15T21:15:00.000+08:00

I recently realised what insights books can provide us with. Not only books, but the world wide web too. The endless archives of information that can be found, the amazing variety of subjects that it covers, literally almost everything.

Today as I was crossing the traffic light random thoughts came into my mind. No I'm not going to live a life of procrastination, but action. It's almost time to do something about my life before it turns. My JC approval did not come easy, I'd better take each day seriously. It's almost time to get on track to my very own future.

I have big dreams like everyone else, but what good dreams are without relevant action? I feel that reading broadens our horizons, and studies have shown that only 10% of people actually read. Someone said, "Reading can be a powerful catalyst for thinking; it has the potential for stimulating wisdom." And yes, you guessed it, wisdom is money.

In the world outside where wisdom is your key to making big bucks, I guess reading is a viable option for people like me to have a shot to go far in life. I once heard, Leaders are Readers, but not all Readers are Leaders. At the same time we improve our vocabulary, making our vocab richer and more diverse. With a healthy vocab bank, conversations are made to seem easier, and writing essays can be done in the blink of an eye.

However with the constant improvments in the media sector, people are more compelled to watch tv, play computer games, than read. News archives can be easily accessed on the net, there are also learning channels on the tv like National Geo, Discovery, etc. I guess its just how everyone is, I was lazy to read too, until I was forced to read one book and discovered what it can bring you. Non-ficition is for me though.

Thats my conclusion on reading. Read more, people.

Appeal Successful.

2007-03-12T23:47:00.000+08:00

Okay today didn't started the way I expected, but I hope everything's alright already.

Went for a match against MJC, we won 78-69 with me being the top scorer for TPJC with 25 points. Feels so good to be back at my peak [: Been a distant memory since the opposition coach shouted my jersey number and to mark me down.

Looks like my days of doing nothing is gonna be over! I got accepted into TPJC.

Oh people might say aiyah TPJC slack school la go there sure whatever this and that lah. But heck, everyone is pursuing an A level cert regardless of which JC one goes to. I believe so long each person works hard on his own the school you in dont matter.

Too lazy to process my thoughts now at least I'm glad I got plans for next week already. Bye world.

Emptiness.

2007-03-11T21:18:00.000+08:00

What, is this a transistion period?

Sitting in front of a dead LCD screen that gives light, practically everday at it. Waiting for my appeal results to come out. I guess a very long holiday makes me lazy, plus everyday I pace up and down, thinking, what am I gonna do tomorrow?

The only entertainment in my life now, I guess is that computer game where you manage football teams in a virtual world. How sad. You try to call your friends, but on second thought, you put the cordless phone back to its dock. I guess everyone is busy with their own stuff. It's time to make new friends and step into a new kind of environment, but not to forget those who are still close.

Been hitting the library and reading up on whatever there is. Sitting for hours on that leather couch reading, and thinking. I guess life's the same everyday to me now, till I officially get to school or something.

I don't really see myself doing anything else just yet.

These few days I realised, some stuff are understood without need for words to explain. Situations have to be left on their own, it will wear and tear through time. I guess there's not much point caring about every single thing in the world. It just dont matter.

I'm not a groupie person, or a person who love to be part of cliques. I'd rather have a few close acquaintances, I guess. But looking back, how many do I really have? I don't know. I guess it was true when someone said each man fends for his own.

All of the above was random and spontaneous, just some of the thoughts I've been harbouring, more to come. Time to slip back into the couch and read. [:

Cliquey?

2007-02-14T06:22:00.000+08:00

Red light. STOP.

The mart.

A phone in the desert 1800-xxx-xxxx

Sunset.

Sunrise, but thats the moon.

An Old(old) Mining Town...

Some plant with a cow in the foreground

Barely Visible Rainbow

It's gonna rain..

Sunsets, Lakes, and Ducks?

The ducks became dinner.

Golden Gate Bridge.

San Francisco

Alright. So all this while in California has given me sights and sounds not found in Singapore. The scenery in Singapore? Differences and similarities over here and back home, but one thing remains the same. People and their personality. That don't change, right?

Clique -
group noun [C] DISAPPROVING
a small group of people who spend their time together and do not welcome other people into that group:

Cliquey -
adjective (ALSO cliquish) DISAPPROVING
my viewpoint:
Cliquey is a kind of personality. People who are cliquey tend to stick together in their Original group and they make new members feel unwelcome.

Watched Reality TV over here, kinda nice. I guess the reason why it's called 'Reality' TV cause it applies to our lives, it's reality, isn't it. Made me learn. I guess there are plenty of different personalities out there.

I don't know why some people think they're in charge, they're the big shots and all. In short, maybe these people are airheads. They speak and speak, they do not think. Usually they follow their heart, or their emotions. So if you find people like that, give them a poke and they'll let all hell loose on you. If you don't they'll act like they are all big and great. They're not that great actually, they just talk more than other people. I do not deny that these people are smart, but they should be wise. They are smart - they know how to make full use of their tongues, sometimes maybe 101%. The tongue. Put people down, speak like the pro, cuss, anything else not so nice. Maybe people don't realise that they're not using their gifts in the right way. Like, someone gives you an inflatable boat and you try to ride it in your bathtub, don't really make sense huh. We should be smart and wise. Not just smart. Being smart is knowing how to say it, being wise is know when to say it, or whether to say it. I'm trying to say that, sometimes we should use our brain before we open our mouths.

Life has never been better. Escaping from the haste of everyday life in SG and coming here, is great. But I'll have to go back soon. Right here, the sense of urgency is not that great and people just take things easy. It's not as tense. The quiet surroundings and me being alone sometimes makes me think better about some questions in life. I'll return to the US again.

Alright, CNY's coming soon? I didn't know until someone told me. See what happens when you stay out of something/somewhere too long. You get lost. People may say I'm all critical and everything in my posts, but we got our right to say what we want, eh?

Hello World!

2007-02-03T21:10:00.000+08:00

Hello people, its 5.11am over here, haha. Must be jet lag.

Yeah, finally everythings settled down huh, the blog stuff and all, if anyone was aware, if not, nevermind. I won't spend anymore time explaining myself and anything else. Simple. If you dont like me, so be it. I wont make an effort to like you or what. "Do unto others what you want them to do unto you." Since people have already bullcrapped about me I believe I can do the same thing. No whining, no nothing.

So people might say I'm a hypocrite, so much for being matured alr and then go talk bad to others. My viewpoint is that, no matter how mature you are and who you are, there comes a certain point in life where you have disagreements and you wanna rant it out.

Again, this is part of life. Some morsels of bullshit, right?

With my uncle and aunt in California now, kinda good experience I dont get in SG. Girls will like it here, so much shopping to do. Somemore really good prices with plenty of discounts, and I thought only we liked discounts. Hahaha. Everyone does.

Going to be 17 soon.

As we grow older we gain more experiences from life. We see a little more than others, learn a little more. We try and try till we succed, failures will be past already. I learnt how to reverse a truck/car, almost learnt how to ride a motorbike here. But I fell down.

BUMP! Fell down.

Haha see I'm riding again.

Oh sorry I didnt tell everyone it was a mini dirt bike but it works like the ones you see on the streets, haha.

Thats for now, [:

Taipei.

2007-01-30T22:09:00.001+08:00

Hi all.

Wah the last 4 hours had been damn boring. I just landed in taipei for my transit to L.A. Just had enough money for a small portion of dinner. Thank God. [: After which went to the duty free shop to try the samples in the end stood there for a while to try, the guy offered me tea too. LOL

Okay my flight to L.A is in a while!

Later,

Insights on Vacation Jobs.

2007-01-23T01:22:00.000+08:00

YOU ALL GOTTA READ THIS LOL!

Right it's still vacation for most of us nomads who have no JC to go to or even those who didn't apply for any.

So people start to find jobs and find jobs and this continues till they find one. Ok let's begin with myself. I work at New York Pizza in Century Square, as my shop name implies I bake pizzas collect money and throw trash. Note: Throw Trash. Ok throwing trash. Most people think throwing trash is a disgrace. Is it even a disgrace? To me, its a job just like any other but people just coin it to be 'disgraceful'. You throw the trash, you see familiar faces, and they point the tips of their noses up high when they bump into you. Ok then what's not disgraceful? Drawing pay higher than your mates, working at a 'high-class' label? Screw it.

Not ashamed to say I'm getting paid $3.70 compared to my other peers in the range of $5-7 dollars an hour. I think worth is what you give yourself and not what the company pays you. I mean at this point where of course money is important to people of my age for the weirdest reasons everyone wants a job that pays, right? Okay just to add to my previous sentences, what the company pays you now is nothing but a monetary measure. No one really gives a damn about people like us out there w/o any proper qualification except for a PSLE cert, serious.

People comparing how much they earning with each other, it'll never cease one lah. Amusing that people work JUST for the cold hard cash to burn and ending up with two digit figures in their banks. I mean, fuck it don't really matter how much I earn right now, I'm serious but at least I got a glimpse of whats its like to get a payslip and bring it home. Thats the drive.

People say, wah so low the pay so low the pay over and over again so what? I mean for now its like spending time away trying to fit into society for a little while and then its back to school for us. Paper qualifications mean more in the future when we re-enter the society to work and all, so this time I'm a little more determined to make it.

What I feel is, people may mock you now cos you're getting little pay compared to them but my stance that if you're determined to get a better pay then you gotta work hard in school first then there's a chance for it. Then you can look back and say, hey you know what I'm earning _ times more than you now, so yeah.

For me, it was a preview of the School of Life. Quite interesting for me to be able to see such stuff through sharings with my friends and supervisor, and other people who work. Every man fends for himself, thats how work is like. Hardly anyone gives a damn if you be soft hearted and try to be garang. All you gotta do is prove yourself, that simple. Politics are used along the climb up the coporate ladder in any sector of work, well my thinking is that, I'd like to have none of those shit but it's just part of it so yeah. So we need not really care wtf our colleagues are bullshitting about us and all, so long as we do our job. I learnt that, I gave a damn when someone said something but after much thinking and getting advices its rather not worth to give a damn about what's gonna affect how we perform in work.

Thats my POV on Vacation Jobs.

Yup anyway I'm leaving for L.A so I might be shovelling snow and mowing lawns and even selling whatever. Bye readers!

Work

2007-01-14T20:33:00.000+08:00

Okay, 2007 and work is getting interesting. Thats all. [;

Life; and a little bit more to it.

2006-12-18T18:08:00.000+08:00

Reading Daniel's blog gave me some encouragment. At least I'm not in the predicament alone, there was someone who have been through it. Holidays without anything to look forward to are like hell. My routine's like, eat sleep computer. Yeah, and maybe half an hour or so walking up and down my house. I get tired then I go to sleep.

I need a job soon. But I need a job that does not only pays, but allows me to learn something from it. Everyone's(almost), getting a job to fuel their spending and all. Have they ever thought what they could get from the job apart from the cold hard cash? Hardly, I bet. Money is like the master of all these teenage souls who aren't going to JC for the first few months yet. I don't deny the fact that money is important, but is it that important? Who knows.

I'm not the kind who'll just settle for the kind of $5/hr jobs that I believe I will gain nothing out of it. Just that. I need a job that is in my interest and all. Okay I'm not a pro at this kind of thing so I should just shut up for now till I get one.

Life's kinda about politics. Isn't it?

People dislike you for the most asburd reasons, those kinds a kindergarten children can generate. Well, it affects you inevitably, but fuck, who's going to give a damn after some time? Again, insolent fools.

Well, I'll take a break here as I cope with changes in my life, or maybe not.

Yet so near; yet so far.

2006-12-16T12:03:00.000+08:00

Now's a time for me to learn independence. With nothing much to do already, I almost went bonkers walking here and there everyday. If not my eyes would be transfixed onto the computer screen, staring at blank spaces, and while doing so, I fall deeper and deeper into my own world of thoughts.

More and more emotion run into me as I am dreaming, or rather thinking. Sometimes I think that it didn't have to turn out this way for me. But yet choosing to give up, will be the stupidest choice I will make, and I will live to regret. Things become different, yeah maybe I should use a pair of new eyes to look at some things, and make some decisions. They may not be easy, but I'll have to try.

The feeling is like, its right in front of you, yet when you reach out to get it, its gone. You are only living in a world of illusion. I need to get out asap. Sounds like I'm like suffering from autism, LOL but I'm not. Just kinda feeling very moody. Guess my 1st Period is coming =X hahah.

What a weird feeling.

I guess it didn't have to turn out this way, and I hope things will change, but I will lay here paitently. Sometimes it so difficult to open my mouth and ask, sometimes its so difficult to reach out my hand and give you a pat on the back. So much to consider, so much to worry about, but yet I'll try my best, cause once I lose it, I'll never be able to get it back. It's something that occurs once in a lifetime. I feel that it's kind of a waste, but yet I must respect you. No matter your decision, I'll stick to it. But when I see you falling in, I'll pick you up. Well. At least I know that, no matter the distance, there's a kind of connection. It comforts me to hear that. Well, as you learn to make decisions and open up your heart, I'll be around to give a helping hand. [:

The People Who Made The Difference;

2006-12-08T13:58:00.000+08:00

These are the people who dared to step up; and make a difference.

They are also the ones who stood by me.

Thank you.

Me and Xinmin; Vice-chairman, Buddy.

Me, Xinmin, Laura my PA/Nanny/Counselor, Jacky my best dude. [[:

Me and Jacky, 4 years.

Me and My commitee. Tammie the Bigger Nanny.

Okay.

IF only.

2006-12-08T13:37:00.000+08:00

If only I had 48 hours a day instead of 24...

Time really flies. 4 years of education, or rather more fun, ended just in a blink. Looking back, yes I had many friends, but how many were really always there for me. How'd I wish I had more time to spend with these people. It's like that isn't it? You wish you had more when you are going to have less. In other words, you took your friends for granted when they were there, now that they're going, you wished you had more of them.

Well, it's life isn't it. We part, we meet again. But in the end it's always up to us if we want to meet again. It's whether we pick up the phone and overcome whatever embarassment there is after so many years, since we dont talk to each other already. It's that little step for us to meet again, it's just words, why does it look so difficult.

The touching words my friends said to me, was worth. Ok if I carry on, I'm going to flood this place with tears. Lol.

This post was meant for my close friends. Two simple words, sometimes hard to say, but yeah.

Love You,
Yeechien

The End of A Chapter; The Beginning of Another

2006-12-06T11:51:00.000+08:00

The Prom, officially ended.

As it was ending, I was in a blur. Then, it ended just like that. I was too engrossed in making it go that I forgot to indulge in the moment. However, some moments were worth savouring. The moments when I felt appreciated, the moments when I thanked my committee members.

All the effort put it, was shown on that night.

As I went through that night, I remembered everything from the beginning. The times when I worked late into the night alone, the times when people gave me the odd look. It wasn't easy, having to sacrifice my recesses, more of my time to get this going. But look, it paid off. I never regretted stepping into that room where the Prom Night's fate was decided, together with Xinmin. I knew when I stepped in, things were going to change for me. I will have a new aim to reach, and I told myself, 'I will do it.' At the beginning everything went smoothly. No worries, no nothing. Then came all the difficulties, people not paying on time, more work undone, people threatening the existence of the event... To be frank, I felt like giving up, but I didn't due to the fact that the thought all of the people who signed up pushed me on. I felt discouraged, but I stood up. I bumped into obstacles over and over again, but I went around them.

I was very very tired to carry on. Here my committee had their own problems to face. I was left alone. I work very very hard to make it possible, but I thought, what am I doing? Finally, I remembered something. Success only comes to the people who hold on after sometime.

I have too much to say, really. But I'd like to thank everyone of you for coming and showing your enthusiastic support for this event. And these 4 people who have made a big difference in my life.

Tammie - Events Management
Without you/Jacky = no events. Especially the pageant, you were the one who made it professional. Seriously, alot of people said that you were a solo worker. I had no comment, but you have proven them wrong, and they dont see the Tammie I see - an organised planner, a practical person, and many more. All the transportation of the equipments, you helped me settled it in the blink of an eye. I hope that being in this part of a project had made you a better person with more experiences.

Jacky - Events Management & Logistics
Also my 'brother'. As above, no you = no events. Thanks for covering all the aspects when I needed you to, though sometimes at the expense of your r/s with other people. Thanks alot. Thanks for hearing me out when I needed you to. Your enthusiasm to this project definitely spurs everyone on. Although you were abit hot, I knew that you could do it. The encouragement you gave in the more fierce form was somehow helpful.

Laura - Logistics & Public Relations
Basically, you were kinda like my P.A/Nanny/Queen/Your Highness. You were the one who corrected me when I made mistakes, you were the first to point me out when I make mistakes. You were also the one who have been there for me when I felt lonely, talking to you always gives me new insights and makes me more paitent. Though youre standards are quite high, you're a crazy person inside. But yet you always make me feel like youre a mother looking over us. Your laughter brightens up everyones day. You should be the advisor instead.

Xinmin - Vice-Chairman
My buddy. Among all in the committee, I worry the most for you. Though you play me out sometimes due to certain reasons, bear in mind that I may be angry, but when I find out the reason why I don't really bear grudges against you. You have proven yourself to be a highly committed member, as like everyone else. Be stronger and make wiser decisions; it will be important for you. You were the one who started this with me, I hope you remember that too.

Lastly, 4 of you were the ones who made me feel different. When I was looking out for comm members, I looked for the 4 of you. But people started talking about you all. Jacky being hot-headed, Tammie and Laura being soloists, and Xinmin being quite stubborn. I never believed them, I just listened. Together 4 of you have proven your critics wrong. Claim credit for the night. Admit it, without the 4 of you there would not have been an almost flawless prom night. Thank you very much. Again, don't forget the 4 of you, to me, are the most influential people in the cohort, your names are known up and down the 4 floors of NAS. You all have done me proud that night, and simple gifts and words are not enough to thank you all. Sorry if I sound like a naggy ah pek, but I hope the 5 of us can work again soon. I think we make a great team.

I love you all.

Back to blogging.

2006-11-15T17:27:00.000+08:00

Mm. Im back.

Anyway's there's still like 3 papers up tomorrow. Time flies. Tomorrow also marks my end of Secondary School. Oh how significant it is -.- Well so far the exams were kinda do-able. Was it, or not?

Going to be busy with the Prom Night for the next 2 weeks. Meetings in and out, and more.

Oh no more school also means no more stories to hear, no more bitchings to be involved in and anything bad. On the whole secondary school was kinda okay. Made a few friends, some good juniors and a little bit more. It was fruitful. Next up would be the Prom Night.

What I anticipate: Fashionistas? Superstars? Lol. Something like that. Everyone would come all dressed up, and maybe to kill. To kill maybe due to some other reasons.

Society is full of critics, but that's what makes us improve. Someone sees something you don't, but it don't sound nice so you choose not to listen. If you listen you might be able to improve. So many events unfolding for everyone.

Life's like so aimless now, oh man.

The End Lies Around The Corner.

2006-11-12T22:52:00.000+08:00

4 more days. Just 4 More.

The Prom Story.

2006-11-06T20:43:00.000+08:00

Realised I haven't been blogging for a fortnight, or almost there.

Finally the O levels are like here already. It wasn't that tough as I expected it to be, who knows? Well. I'll see as the days pass.

Really, this last stretch wasn't easy. So many things to do. My head almost like a 100-pound weight waiting to slam into my glass table. So tired, panting, and panting. It's rather a fact, I have no life, at least until the O levels end then it's going to be better. Then its going to be the running of the Prom. Hmm. I shall talk about my life this year. A little bit.

Feburary. Just like another day. I don't know why the hell this Prom idea struck my mind. I think its cause, I dont know? Shit I can't rembmer. I told a few friends(Jacky the badminton guy, Laura the tracker, Faheem the lembek MSG, and a few others?) about it, and not long after, I was on my way to the General Office to make an appoinment with Miss Ng. That was where I bumped into Xinmin , the volleyball captain. She agreed to be a co-worker, and we'd be meeting Miss Ng in no time to come. Okay, so that was it. Me and the first committee member, Xinmin. I was quite naive then, ignorant to the obstacles that I was about to face. I thought that everything went smoothly. I was wrong. I'll get to that part later.

Countless meetings with our OBS instructor, Belinda on how to write a proposal, and listening to her on her experiences was very insightful. That was March. And then I got my commitee members: Me the Chairman, Xinmin the Vice-Chairman, Laura the PR/Publicity, Jacky the Logistics/Events Manager, Tammie the Events Manager. Well, the presentation by me and Xinmin at Tampines Mart's Mcdonalds seemed to go down well with Miss Ng. A sigh of relief. Then it was down to work. Survey forms were printed and the results were encouraging. A whopping number of 81% said yes. And yeah, I was too naive to believe that it would stay around the same for the actual attendance. Okay. Then was the Mid-Years, so we halted for awhile, but all the time I'll have to thank Xinmin for pioneering this event with me, who'd be willing to spend her weekends doing work for the cohort? That was also when, I realised I had a really good buddy. I hardly have buddies of the opposite gender. It's not like so easy for another individual to share the same feelings as you, the countless topics to discuss till late, and all.

Then was study time, the study meetings organised, and yeah. After the Mid-Years we were like back into work mode, with Xinmin coming to my place almost every weekend to do the Prom till late evenings. Its like 12pm-6/7pm kind. It wasn't easy doing those work, those paperwork and such. The meetings at Orchard Hotel, and the countless questions we asked while doing this and that. It wasnt like, oh I want a Prom, then it'll drop from the sky.

The June Holidays. More weekend work and sometimes weekdays too.

I remembered we requested for $800 from the school to help us out a little bit. Then we submitted the proposal which included other info of course. Then we waited and waited, what would the results be? I didn't know. In the end, the School replied. They were going to give us $1500. On top of that, they would be providing equipment like laptops and projectors for us too. How nice. That was the first time I tasted the sweetness of success. Then came another surprise. The VL coach, Coach Joshua Luke, heard of our event and he decided to step in to help. I must say, I am very grateful that I met such a nice person, seriously. He came in. Plans were made, and 1 month later, we were engaged in discussion for the layout of the Prom. Also, we switched from Orchard Hotel to Raffles Town Club.

Okay then after that was kinda major for me. Everyone seemed to be missing. Soon I felt that I was like walking that long stretch of road alone. Which sucked. I tried doing my job, but who knew, I got shot countlessly. Shot as in mentally. So many times, so many experiences. I knew people didn't mean it, but those wounds still hurt till this day. Call me weak, you're wrong. The logic is that, when you drive a nail into a piece of plywood, the hole will be there even after you pull it out. This project is my pride, and I have established a bond with it. I found my buddy drifting away, due to some reasons. Maybe it was me. I think, all the time it was me. I was too lenient a person and I took it too hard on me, and made life better for everone. I'm trying to forget and be a better person. People are starting to trample on me, over and over not realising it.

Then was the fundraising. It was largely a success in terms of money, but I felt that it was kinda sloppy. Well then, good work anyway. Last minute work, my lectures didn't seem to go down well.

I realised. I was alone. Was I? I felt alone, at least. Really, when they say lonliness is like the chill of winter, it is. Looks like I had to take the weight. Sometimes its not I don't like to let people take over, its not that. Seeing others in such a plight, I couldn't help but to take matters into my own hands. Mistake. Soon I found myself working like a dog from day to night. It was study, prom, study, prom. And the cycle went on for quite some time. I admit. I was on the verge on breaking down. And I did. The fact that I'm able to narrate this to you, shows that I have proven myself worthy of this calling for the 200+ people I am accountable for.

I don't know. I was thinking and thinking and thinking. I kept thinking. My head was going to be full. So many things to consider and such. Things became better. The pageant planning and running was a success. That was one thing I was very proud of. Also, there was the band auditions. Thank you Jacky and Tammie for making this possible. Thank you, Your Highness Laura(inside joke) for being my mentor sometimes and being there for me when I needed help. In fact, I have to thank all 4 of my committee members who have been there for me in one way or another. I think 4 of you are the bestest/closest people I have ever interacted with. Thank you for playing a part in my Secondary School life, and giving me something to remember. We'll keep in contact.

For my buddy,
All this while, I felt that, I was too hard on my buddy, Xinmin. Too hard. I felt that I didn't give her space to breathe. Sometimes I made it too difficult for her to make a decision. I don't know, but somehow I feel I don't feel that 'presence' she always gave me. To me, where was she. Yes, my buddy was kinda there sometimes, but somehow it felt really different. I/We (the comm) felt that she was like drifting farther and farther apart. Sometimes you tell me to go hard on you, I wouldn't bear to. Really. Even it was the other comm members, I wouldn't have the heart to be such an idiot to disrupt your routines. Well. Soon there was a small argument, which was settled over the weekend. I was wrong, I doubted my buddy when she never lost her trust in me. I'm sorry. Sometimes it's so overwhelming that I lost my feelings and start to think otherwise. Just to let you know if you're like reading this, there are people out there who really are concerned for you. You know what you want in life, you have alot going on in you, dont lose that direction, really. Only recently there was another wave by other people questioning my decisions. That really woke me up and I said to myself, 'Hey yeechien, are you too much?' Tears welled, and I started to talk to my other comm members and ask them how did they feel about this. I hardly pour out you know. I started to relflect on how I treated the rest of the comm members. Hey bud, seriously I'm really sorry if I like doubted you. Its just me being paranoid. I hope you know what I've been going through, and what the rest are going through. One last thing, I hope that you'd be that jovial and cheerful you that you used to be soon, I think youre facing too much stress from everywhere else. Remember to pour out when you can, and people really care for you out there.

Yeechien.

Change.

2006-10-25T22:18:00.000+08:00

Here's my essay.

What is change? When one changes, one literally becomes different. Change is inevitable, and we should learn to adapt to it.

Eternity doest not exist in reality, does it? As days pass, and then years, things will be different. The flowers that bloomed in its heyday will finally wilt. The people around you will leave you one day. What you see today may be gone tomorrow, which is rather the way of life. All these phenomenon can be attributed to change. I believe that change and time co-exists. Without time, I doubt there would be change.

Change is really subjective. I would say that change is either positive or negative in one way or another. As you read, changes are going on out there, everyday. Interestingly the human reaction to change never fails to amuse me. Influence by fellow humans may be a factor for change. Majority of the human race are easily influenced. Thus they change. It is either that they change, or they influence. Some may budge and remain ignorant to change, only to realise that they have been left behind in this changing reality.

Changes can make us happy or sad, but the bottom line is that we have to accept it and move on. If not, it will become a psychological barrier, and we would find ourselves trapped in the abyss of darkness in no time. Man is selfish and stubborn in nature. Sometimes they refuse to comply with the changes made.

Is change necessary? I feel that change, regardless of its necessity will always take place in any form at any point in time. Many changes are not within our control, and we should learn to adhere instead of complaining and whining the most of the time. Being subjected to change daily gives us exposure, making us stronger and geared for the next change and take it in stride. Then we would be immersed in this reality that change is always there, and will stay. Most of us would soon be quite ignorant to it. It is like the sun rising from the east to the west, and it has always been around since the beginning of time.

Ironically, change appears to be the only constant in our fast-paced, ever changing lives.

Yeechien

The time has come.

2006-10-22T23:56:00.000+08:00

Repent, for the time has come, yes the O levels, what were you thinking. See y'all around after I remove my face from the mountain of notes and notes and more notes.

ROAR

The journey so far...

2006-10-19T00:38:00.001+08:00

Vexed. One word to describe myself now. I dont know whatthefuck I am vexed about, just that I know I am vexed. Deadlines to meet or I'll be cooked. Yes, I am referring to the O levels. It's closing in. Gone are the days in which I thought I still had plenty of time. When reality sets in its kinda, ugh.

Seen and heard so many things I shouldn't have. Classroom politics escalating, situation gets tenser, conflicts arise. And more. The last lap of Secondary School Life couldn't be worse. Constant bitchings here and there, and here again. My blog is kinda oriented at these people now, can't help. Hopefully people will change, but that remains a hope. Maybe its just my wishful thinking... I despise people who mock at others but yet cannot accept humiliation. Plenty of such people around. Their constant ramblings and complains irritates the hell out of everyone. They're the loudest in the bunch, they always want to be heard.

Prominent groups of people who want the limelight by just making noise, and more dumb actions. As mentioned earlier, one thing I cannot put down is by the fact that, they can pick on any Tom, Dick, or Harry to bitch about. Its not just that, they have no limits and they want to dominate, but in the end they end up looking like fools and whine like a spoilt brat. Trying to brainwash the population into their dumb actions, and more. But fuck, where do they get, nowhere.

I have friends who are victims of this notorious lardasses and bigmouths. I've seen how they'd react to such comments. I really admire them for their paitence and ability to block out those noises. Note: Noise is unwanted sound. The rights these people fight for are kinda empty and redundant. Sometimes you do not know what to do when your friend falls deeper, and deeper. Until one day, he/she's gone. It's dumb to be able to term this kind of people and yet see people beside you fall into their plot. For god's sake please shutup and no one would say youre a mute. Please, be who you are, dont always go all out to impress. Most of the time you all fail and it makes you look like crap.

Ask why I'm blogging about these issues? They have been around since the beginning of time and creating trouble out of nothing, making big fusses out of a small particle of dirt. Somehow things affect us in one way or another. It has affected me, and make me want to wipe their asses off the surface of the Earth; but I know I will never succeed, more will sprout. This is life. Sorry hor, next time when people bitch about you, don't cry. Cause when you bitched about people they didn't. Fools.

If you're reading this and feeling like giving me a punch, we know what it means.

G'night Readers,

What was said of me.

2006-10-17T23:23:00.000+08:00

From Yuhan's Blog,

Yeechien-
1. Something random: helpful & caring
2. Try something new: VOLLEYBALL!
3. Colour: brown
4. Something I like about you: your concern
5. Clearest memory: basketballer #09!
6. Animal: OWL and you know why :D
7. Something I always wanted to ask: why are you so nice :/

Aww so sweet right.

Yuhan-
1. Something random: cute and hyper
2. Try something new: SOCCER
3. Colour: ORANGEE
4. Something I like about you: Your on-and-off maturity and kiddy-ness
5. Clearest memory: The girl who loved lollipops.
6. Animal: Bunny
7. Something I always wanted to ask: why are you so ncute [:

3 More Weeks.

2006-10-14T20:58:00.000+08:00

The heading speaks.

No time [:

All the best for y'all out there! [: